Awkward Moments at Work

Working at the club as long as I have, you collect some fun stories, some sad stories, and more than anything those super awkward moments. These moments really make the best stories. At the time you want to forget them, but once the awkward has passed it's something hilarious.

Two weeks into working, I had a very memorable moment. Growing up there was a group of college students that lived next door. They became surrogate older brothers. They'd gotten jobs and moved away when I was seventeen, and I hadn't seen them in three years. I was at work on a Saturday night. I was holding my friends drink when I finally located her. She was sitting on one guy's lap and I gave her her drink and sat on the other guy's lap. I hadn't looked at the guy's face, so I turned around and said "Hi my name's... Oh shit." Guess who? My neighbor!!! His response was "hey, you grew up." Followed by "I never, in a million years would have thought I would see you here..." After the awkward few moments passed, we had a nice time catching up. He ended up spending three hundred dollars on my friend. We both decided it would be super awkward to do that together. He did later comment on how good of a dancer I am. I think he specifically said "Looks like all that ballet paid off. And you really are flexible. Sorry that's awkward since you were naked, but I couldn't NOT look."


My boyfriend, Jamie, was in a fraternity. (I use the past tense because he is now an alum having graduated a year ago.) I am really good friends with all the guys in his frat, and I know quite a few alumni. About two months into working, I was there on a Friday night. It was about forty-five minutes to close. So right around 4:30 in the morning. I was exhausted and it was my last stage set. I was on stage, in just a thong. There was a bride at the stage with a crap ton of ones in front of her. I walked on over and said "Hi, so when's the wedding!" She looked familiar, but I figured she'd been in before. She responded "Two weeks. Hey, do you got X college?" I turn and look and see Jamie's frat brother, and a good friend of ours. The bride was an alum of the sister group, which is how I knew her. My friend first said "I knew it! Does Jamie know? How long have you been working here?" After I got off stage, he and I chatted for awhile. It's nice cause the group isn't judgmental and he thought it was pretty cool I had the "balls" to do this. I thought the comment "I feel like I know you better now" was pretty comical. He also told me he needed to congratulate Jamie on how flexible I am. Now whenever he's drunk and I see him he always says "I've seen you naked. And you have awesome boobs, I just want to motorboat them." Then he gets punched.


I worked a lot of Saturday nights over the summer. I thought I was pretty safe  not running into people from school because it's a teeny tiny town and everyone vacates for the summer. There are a few people that stay for the summer for whatever reasons. I was at work last July and a guy came up to me and asked if he could get a private dance. I was like "sure" that's easy money. I don't have to convince. He was polite and didn't touch me much. He paid and said if I talked to him for a little while he'd give me another $25. I thought it was great. Easy! We started talking. I asked the basic questions. "So where do you live?" He responded with the same teeny tiny town I live in. I asked him what he did there. He told me he was working over the summer but he goes to X college (my college). At this point I respond with "Oh that's so interesting." He continues with it's a small town and there aren't really any college students that stay over the summer, so he's pretty bored. There's these two guys he knows that live above a bar downtown, and that's about the only people he knows in town for the summer. "Oh by the way you look really familiar." I respond with "Oh that's interesting." He continues talking and starts putting together all the pieces "You look really similar to the girlfriend of the guy who lives above the bar. Like, really similar." I'm caught at this point... He knows. "Yeah, that's me. Small world huh?" It's so AWKWARD. We have this unspoken 'I remember you' moment every time we see eachother. I see him at parties, and it ruins my night! The last time was at a bonfire thrown by one of the sororities, which was a lot of fun, until I saw him. He's a constant reminder that 'oh yeah, you have this crap job. And there's NO escape!!!'


I have a good friend from back home that has come to visit me. She wanted to go to the strip club to see what it was like. I took her on a Friday night, so she could see what it was like in full swing. It happened to be amateur night. She was curious to see what it was like to be on stage, so she did amateur night. She danced to Rihanna's "S&M" and now it's our song. It's a great inside joke. She came back a couple months later, and came to work with me on a Saturday night. I felt bad because there was no one to hang out with her. But luckily she is the bubbly, quirky person she is and soon made friends with a really nice group of people. They snuck her a few drinks and she got a bit tipsy. She had a lot more fun and felt more comfortable with a little bit of liquid courage. Even though I was working I kept an eye on her because I didn't want anything to happen to her. She would always come to every one of my stages. She helped me make money. We call it "bonding." I was the very last girl on stage for the night, and there were still quite a few people left. There were a bunch of drunk girls that wanted on stage. (I call this girls romanticizing the job and wanting to pretend at being a stripper for a couple minutes. Also it makes me money.) I helped three girls on stage, as well as my friend. They had fun playing on the stage, and I sat down. The guys were just throwing money onto the stage and one guy handed me a wad of sixty ones. I wasn't complaining. I didn't have to do anything and I still made money!


I'm sure I have a lot more awkward moments. But I can't think of them now. I'll have a part two later. 

Starting With A Book

I was in a class last October that was a creative nonfiction. I did a lot of writing about work. I keep my job a secret from the faculty at Cornell, but other than that I'm open. The professor teaching the class was visiting, and she was really interesting and accepting. I felt that I could trust her and she wouldn't judge me based on my job, and she didn't. She actually encouraged me to write a book eventually because I was a good writer and I had valid things to say about my job. Anyways, I was pretty proud of this paper. I put a lot of work into it organizationally and story wise. It's really long, but I thought it would be good to share.

Starting With A Book

Sitting reading a book on the counter of the dressing room. It's a boring night. There are two guys down there. I've already talked to one for an hour. I have to go up on stage every forty-five

minutes. John won't let us stop because “there are still people here.” Jana is on stage now. She stole my song. I would be irritated, but she's a friend. I may end up making money. I look at the clock. Midnight it's still early.

~

My good friend from back home and is at work with me today. It is a lot of fun having her

here. Work is much less awful with her here. It's funny. She is going around the club telling guys they need to buy dances from me because I am “the hottest piece of ass here.” She's a little drunk tonight. She now has the nickname of my pimp tonight because I forgot my garter and she is holding my money.

~

The dead season is about to begin. I can tell. No one is spending money. I'm sitting on the

counter where the pop machine used to sit. I still have the confident air. No one is really looking

though, so my guard is down. I am scanning the crowd. Maybe I missed someone. A rather large guy glances at me. He catches my eye. I hop down and walk over and sit on his lap. My arms go around his neck and I say “Hi!” in my sweet girl-next-door kind of way. We chat. I notice his shirt. It's soft and I know the pattern. “Is this Burberry?” It's my favorite designer, the only one I consider worth spending money on actually. It also means he has money. Two minutes later he asks for a dance. Eight songs later we come out of the private dance area. Hundred and sixty dollars later, I'm glad I talked to him. He now only comes in to see me. My first regular.

~

Working at a strip club you learn fast. You learn to see who has more money. Out of the guys that do have the money who will pay me. Which guy will be nice. Which guy will treat me like a whore. Which guy wants to be touched. Which guy wants to talk. Which guy has a sexual fantasy that he wants played out. Which guy isn’t here for sexual reasons. I can’t explain why or how I learned this, but I did. If you want to survive and make money in the world of stripping you have to know these things. You end up safer and wealthier this way. Trial and error does help. I can read men and people in general really well. Although mistakes are occasionally made. It isn’t an exact science.

~

My nine month anniversary is here. I try never to work on this occasion. When I do it makes me and my boyfriend feel like money is most important. It isn’t. Except sometimes I feel like it is. My tuition is due tomorrow and if I don’t make the seventy more I need then I default on the payment. That’s bad. I desperately need the money. If work wasn’t so hard on my body I wouldn’t be in this predicament. I haven’t been able to work at all this month. I seriously pulled my hip flexor.

~

I pulled my hip flexor today. It was the day shift, and there was a slow period of three hours. I

was practicing pole tricks. I never do pole work in front of a crowd, but since I do this, I might as well be able to. I was doing pretty well, but then I hurt myself somehow.

~

Tracie Priceless is offering me drugs. I say no. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't smoke. I

am an anomaly in the stripping world. “They aren't illegal. It's only Adderall.” “No thank you.” “It's not addictive” “No thank you.” “Come on! How do you expect me to pay for my kids?” “I don't do drugs. And if I really wanted Adderall I could ask my roommate who is ADD. Also, it is addictive, not right away, but eventually.” 

~

She's twenty. Like most girls here, she has two kids. Jana has a five year old and a two year old. We’re the same age. I can’t imagine having a five year old at this point in my life. Stripping is her job, other than taking care of her kids. Dancing is her way of taking care of bills and giving her kids everything they need and want. Nights are spent dancing. Days are spent with her kids. Jana comes to work after she puts them to bed. She's a great Mom and a good friend. If I’d met her outside of the club, I would be shocked by her job. She isn’t the type.

~

Seven in the morning on a Sunday, and I haven’t gone to bed yet. We just got home from work. A desperate trip to McDonald’s was made due to our hunger. It was a great night. I made six hundred. Rose made eight. This calls for a few days off. We can’t sleep, so we’re in the living room watching A-Team drinking wine. The wine is doing its job. Making us tired. I never drink. Especially at work. It's safer that way.

~

It's a Wednesday. Packing up my things. I am all done. I count out my money. I count out fifteen for the DJ and fifteen for the bouncers. I just realize. Tonight alone I have made the club a hundred dollars. It sucks. I could have kept that. Thirty to get in. Seventy dollars from private dances. Then the thirty I give to the DJ and the bouncers. So a hundred and thirty more I could have kept. Part of the reason I hate this job. I don't get to keep all the money I make.

~

I was doing a private dance with Daisy for a guy. I like doing private dances with another girl. It means less work. And no touching. I stepped off of the seat and twisted my ankle very badly. Funny thing is... I wasn't even wearing heels at that time.

~

I got my period today. Imagine having the flu plus paralyzing back, stomach, and thigh pain. In a nutshell that is my period for nine days. On top of all of that money is still a necessity to life. So, I still go to work. Most women make more money on these days because it coincides with their ovulation. Men are more attracted to ovulating women and spend more money on them. In order to keep this part of our lives a secret, we have to stick a tampon way up in there and cut the string very short so it isn't visible. Normally this isn't so bad, until today. I cut myself, and it hurts so incredibly badly.

~

It's four thirty in the morning. I have half an hour left. I am up on stage shaking it the way always do. I go over to a guy who has a HUGE stack of ones in front of him. I dance over and talk to him. When I actually do make eye contact I realize this is an alumni and close friend of my boyfriend. Luckily he is a close enough friend it's not completely awkward. After all of my stage sets are done I go and talk to him. He hands me fifty dollars and says it's because I work hard and he understands. I appreciate it and he responds “I have to say, I feel like I know you better now.”

~

I was there the first day Daisy worked. I didn't ignore her like the other girls did. I was still pretty new myself. Two months in and I was finally being acknowledged by the girls. We hit it off right away. Now she stays at my place on the weekends because she lives two hours away and it's

inconvenient for her to drive home. She's moving to Florida in three weeks and I am going to miss her.

~

I'm in the dressing room bathroom, crying. I just got off stage and it's a Saturday night. I had a

guy who tried to finger me while I was on stage. I thought it was obvious that that is illegal and wrong. I'm tired of being treated like a whore. Doesn't anyone know that this is a job? I'm a stripper, not a whore. I don't care that he got kicked out. It still hurts. It is the horrendous reality of my job: No one cares that it is a job. I’m a sexual object and nothing more. I can be used and no one cares how I feel.

~

My parents have always said that I am clumsy as clumsy gets. Except when I'm dancing. When

I dance, I never miss a step or a beat. I'm very graceful is what they have always said. I would give that credit to the thousands of dollars spent on my ballet training. I had been on the fast track to being a prima ballerina. Until I got too tall.

~

“A good dancer is an educated one, so don't abandon school.” Deborah Bull

I sit down next to a guy. Usually I keep the conversation on him. “What’s your name? Where do you work? Do you like it? How did you get into that? What do you do for fun?” The list goes on and on. I have a warehouse full of questions to keep the conversation going and on him. It makes men feel important if they are talking about themselves. This guy isn’t falling for it. He keeps turning the conversation to me. Finally he asks the most dreaded question to ask a stripper: “How did you get into this?” Most girls lie. I don’t lie, ever. This question is a hard one for two reasons. First, it is a highly personal question because everyone has their own reasons. Second, it ends the fantasy. For every girl that strips the biggest reason: Money.

I answered honestly, but with a question. “Do you know how much Cornell costs?” He laughs at me. I raise an eyebrow. He responds with: “Don’t lie to me. We both know that you don’t go to Cornell. If you do go to school it’s Kirkwood. And “college” is the most stereotypical lame ass answer to give as a stripper.” I am angry. He has slapped my intelligence. As a pretty girl, I am used to this, but for the first time someone is telling me I absolutely am not smart enough to even attend a four year college, let alone Cornell. I sit and argue with him. I explain calmly that I am a triple major in Literature, French, and Russian. That school costs $42,000 and even though I have scholarships I don’t want any debt from school, so I took this job to make that happen. He laughs at me again. “French and Russian. Two “sexy” languages. Nice pick. I’m sure you know enough to get away with it. Literature. Next you’re going to tell me you work in a library.” It’s funny because I do work in a library. I walk away making sure to speak to him in French, Russian, Spanish, and German. “Oh just to let you know. I have dabbled in Spanish and German. I don’t say I  have studied those because I have high expectations for proficiency in a language. My French is as good as your English. Although that’s not saying much. Second thought. My French is better.”

~

 A red-head walks into the dressing room. She looks scared. She doesn't know anyone. It's her

first night. She does her make-up and gets dressed. She has the hopeful look of someone romanticizing the job. She isn't yet crushed by the harsh reality of it yet. She smiles and says hi to the girls who pass her; hoping someone will talk to her. The manager talks to her and asks what song she wants to be played for her try-out. She tells him. Ten minutes pass and she is on the balcony watching the other girls on stage. She's trying to figure out what to do. Another ten minutes go by and her name, Daisy, is announced to go onstage.

~

I’ve been working a month now and the most important thing I’ve learned so far is: This job is about rejection. I am rejected more often than I am said yes to. This is because I am not every guy’s type. No girl is every guy’s type. I have to let the no’s roll off my back. There are nights when no one likes me. There are other nights when everyone likes me. It happens. It has nothing to do with how thin I am. How tall I am. How pretty I am. It has to do with what a guy likes. Sometimes it’s me. Most the time it’s not.

~

My third week of working. A friend of mine is sitting on a guy’s lap and there is another guy sitting at the table. I go over and sit on his lap. I turn and look at him. It turns out to be a guy I grew up next to for years. He's like an older brother to me. Safe to say this is an extremely weird occurrence. Although it is a slow night, so we have lots of time to catch up.

~

A friend of mine is interested in what being in a club is like. So she and I and her boyfriend

went for the night. She enjoyed it. Much more than she thought. Her boyfriend bought her a dance and now she is thinking about dancing herself.

~

Adeara told me why she got into dancing. She started dancing to pay for school. Something

we have in common. Although six months in she quit school to dance. (I don’t see this becoming another commonality.) She has gained back her self-confidence and self-worth because of dancing. She was sexually abused by a boyfriend for a few months. I heard variations of the same story from other girls. After some research I have found that sexual abuse or rape is a common thread connecting strippers, porn stars, really a lot of women in the “sex” business.

~

My fourth day working. I still don't know the tricks of the trade, so I make mistakes. I haven’t yet learned how to read people yet. The first part was alright. The last part went poorly. He kept trying to touch me in the one place it's not allowed, my vagina. Nor would I let him. I kept telling him no and holding his hand. When it was done I stood up. As I turned around to face him he untied my bikini bottom, gave me three dollars, whipped his dick out, said “It's my Birthday, make it special,” and tried to shove my face into his lap.

~

My first lap dance is with a guy that looks exactly like someone I used to date. He’s still a good friend of mine. I'm not sure if this makes it better or more uncomfortable. Anyways, I take his hand and lead him to the private dance area. He sits in the red velvet seat and I sit on the stool. I think this is how it works until the next song starts playing. “This is the first dance I've ever given.” He looks at me for a moment. “Really?” I look down, “Yes it is. I guess the first is the most memorable.” We start. I have no idea what I'm doing. Oh well just go with it. Definitely more comforting than awkward. I’m more comfortable with him because there is some “familiarity” even if it isn’t real. I end up texting him after and telling him the story. He’s now in love with me because of my job. Now it’s a bit awkward.

~

I'm working and I'm remembering how I was three years ago. Desperate and alone. I was a part of a family who abused me. I was with a boyfriend who treated me like a whore. Worse actually, I had no choice in the matter. I lost my virginity, not by choice, but by force with the words “I love you” branded into my mind. It continued for two years. And that’s what I thought love was. I know better now. I hate this job. Although it has done something for me. I gained back a little confidence. I have always been good at faking confidence. For once I think I have a little.

~

A book in my hands. I’m sitting cross legged on the floor of the book stacks on second floor of Cole Library. I’m reading a psychological study about strippers and stripping. I don't know how I'm going to break the news to my boyfriend. It would be a fairly easy decision without him. My relationship with my parents isn't going well, although it never has. I won't be able to go home for the summer, I’m not sure I ever wanted to though. I won't be able to afford anything. I don't have any choice right now. Tears streaming down my face, I still have some time. Maybe it won't come to this.  

No Where is Safe

There's a several reasons I don't work Saturday nights. I don't make very much money on Saturdays because there are too many people, and I get overwhelmed. There's so much drama between the girls. I hate the men that are there. There's a possibility of seeing guys from school.

My college, like every other college, has fraternities and sororities. Our Greek is exclusive to my college and not national, so it's a bit quirkier than at other schools. The Greek groups are known by their names rather than their letters. The group I'll be talking about will go by the name of... Hawks.

The Hawks are mostly guys that play on the football team. They are big and mean. And extremely sexist, racist, and every other discriminatory thing you can think of, plus some. Their nickname is "The Rapists" on campus. No joke, their assholes.

I feel like I had good reasons to not work Saturday nights, but about a month and a half ago I was given an even better reason not to work weekends. I was planning on working a double at the club that day, a Saturday. I was at lunch with a friend. Dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I walked by the Hawk table when they started saying "It's hard to believe that... is a stripper." "I'm looking forward to visiting her tonight." "I'm gonna take her back and do her for all she's worth." "She's gonna suck my dick till her mouth bleeds." "She'll only look hot on her back." Then they all started chanting "Stripper" over and over again. To say the least it wasn't the most pleasant lunch I've ever had. Being in the occupation that I am, we do get used to hearing things like that. Usually it's a bunch of guys talking crap and it's nothing to worry about. With the Hawks, I don't want to take any chances. I ended up not going to work that day, and I haven't been to work on a Saturday since.

I'm not a girl that is easily scared by men, but I also have heard enough scary stories from friends that I don't want to take my chances. I also have no desire to relive painful parts of my past.

I am a huge feminist. But, I also know that as a girl there are some physical limitations and I can't protect myself against everything. It's the scary reality of working as a stripper. Things can go wrong, and when they do they go very, very wrong. I'm always on my guard because I don't want to take any chances. There is too much to lose. It's not just at work, it's everywhere. Who knows who I'll see where or when.

Save Me!!!

"You're the embodiment of all evil in the world."

"You need to find yourself a good country boy who will take care of you, and get you out of this place."

"God will save you, and forgive you this sin."

"You're too pretty to work here. You deserve to be taken care of."

"God is always watching. He always loves you. He is forgiving."

"You seem like you're a smart lady. You could do so much more."

"Go into debt. You'll eventually make enough money to pay it off. You shouldn't work here, it's an evil place."

"Your body is sacred."

"You need to find God. Your life will be empty without Him. You will be stuck in this hell hole for all of eternity because of your sin against God. You are continuing a cycle of adultery. You should be at home with a man that loves you."

Always followed by:

"So, would you like to go have a private dance?"

HYPOCRITES

I'm no saint. And I know there are many things that I am hypocritical about. But really! Come on! I would understand if they came in just to "save" us girls, but wanting a lap dance too. That's just not okay.

I do not want to be nor need to be saved. My relationship to God or lack there of is no business of the men at the strip club. Leave me alone! I'm just trying to pay for college. I'm minding my own business, so should they!

They're trying to save me.

I need to be saved from them!

Behind the Stripper Pole

I work day shifts at the club because it allows me to have a social life, get my homework done, sleep, eat. You know important things. But because I work the day shift, there is a lot of down time...

No one ever really thinks strippers have down time. Usually there is a two hour period between 6:30 and 8:30 when it is really dead. Today there was a total of ZERO people at the club at 6:00. All the older people are at home with their families. The young crowd isn't ready to go out yet.

So what do we do?

Most days, up in the dressing room, we gossip about who got arrested. Who got knocked up by which bouncer. What regular wanted to do what? with his what? Complain about never having enough money. Talk about our boyfriends, husbands, or kids. Sometimes we go onto fourth stage and practice pole tricks, or have dance parties. Some girls do shots. When I have homework I am sitting up in the dressing room working on that.

Then there are the days where there's an attitude in the air and no one wants to sit still.

Freedom of speech is something we, Americans, hold dear to our hearts. In the stripping world there is an even greater freedom. Combine this with little to no judgement, and that leads to some interesting conversations.

Being a stripper at an all nude club leads to anatomical discoveries. For one, I now know what fake boobs feel like. I also know the difference between "good" fake boobs, and "bad" fake boobs. Before stripping, I never knew that some vaginas are cute and some are really ugly.

Several months ago, on a very boring day, there were six girls sitting around upstairs in the dressing room. One of them was sitting naked, cross-legged on the counter facing the mirror. She was looking at her vagina in the mirror when she asked "do I have a cute vagina?" We all looked up as she hopped off the counter saying "I was just wondering." We all gathered in a circle. Underwear started coming off as we began to look at our own vaginas and those of our friends. As one of the girls bent over to take a closer look she stood up and said "I like yours. Your lips are tight and the same color as the rest of my skin. I have an ugly vagina. Mine looks like hamburger, and I haven't even had kids yet." We all took a closer look. Strippers have a brutally, harsh honesty policy when it comes to their friends. We all agreed "yeah, yours isn't attractive, but luckily your boobs make up for it." We all had our turn with an inspection and judgement to see if it was a cute one or an ugly one.

I don't remember the conversation, but I was teasing a friend as I was getting ready to leave for the night. We had both taken off our work "clothes" and were putting them away. After I made a great joke at her expense, she put on her sad-puppy-dog face. I laughed and right as the music completely died down I yelled "Let's naked hug it out!" Everyone in the club heard. There was an applause and an immediate chant of "Yeah, naked hug!" The DJ came into the dressing room and gave a narration of the event.

Today at work, my friend and I were getting ready for the shift. She was topless and looking at her boobs in the mirror "my nipples are changing and its weird." I walked over and looked. After a moment "You're right they are changing, that one is way pinker than the other one." She looked at me "I know they used to be really pale and now, they're bright pink. And they're so hot" as she grabbed her boob. I reached out and felt for myself. "Yep, they are unusually warm."

Pretty much if you're a stripper there is no privacy and no personal space. We often feel each other up, for many different reasons.

Why the New Blog

So, I had these posts on another blog, but I decided I hated the name of that blog.

I was out with my lady-friends from school tonight, and we started talking about my job. My friend said "Yes next year I can say "This is my roommate 'The Sober Stripper'." I LOVED it. It's so true. I don't think I've mentioned in depth that I don't drink. I don't do drugs. This is an ever thing. I don't do it in the club, or in real life. So I had to change my blog name.

Anyways. I don't drink for two reasons.

1. My job, I see all the really bad things that can happen to a girl when she drinks or gets high. So it isn't something that I aspire to.

2. I have a heart condition. I pass out easily sober, and when I start drinking I pas out even more frequently. And so, drinking is bad for my health.

Anyways. I don't have a lot to say. I'm doing my homework and my computer decided to fuck me over and delete my project. So after dealing with this TWICE and yelling at my boyfriend, Jamie, I decided to take a break. He's sitting at the computer playing video games. I am upset because I need a new computer and I can't finish my homework because the universe is against me. So I decided to vent here. To my basically non-existent audience. Anyways, I should get back to the homework.

More soon.

Kelly

World's Worst Stripper

I am the world's worst stripper. People don't believe me because of the amount of money I make. But really, it's true. Here's why:


1. I don't hide my hatred of my job. 


2. I don't ask for lap dances.


3. I turn down more money than I make.


4. I don't try to sell myself.


5. If I don't like you, I will tell you.


6. If I don't want to dance for you, I will tell you NO.


7. I believe that I do not deserve to be degraded.


8. If you piss me off I will hit you.


9. I am overly nice which is why people think they can use me. (Until you piss me off.)


10. If you think I am unintelligent I will kick your ass with words in three different languages, sometimes five if I feel like it.


11. I don't want to be flattered, we both know why you're here.


12. This is a stopping point for me on the road to a real career.


13. I do not stay longer at the club than I have to.


14. I do not make more money than I have to. I only make what I need.


15. I will never be a stripper. It is an occupation. I am a college student.


16. I'm ALWAYS sober. (At the club AND real life.)


Well those are sixteen reasons why I'm the worlds worst stripper. The funny thing is... being the worst stripper is the reason I make money. People like it that I'm "shy" and I "don't" know what I'm doing. Playing up the "worst" stripper is the reason why I make money. I'm fresh. I'm new. I'm the girl next door. I was once told by a customer "You're the shy girl next door I always wanted to fuck. And now, in a fantastical way I get to live it." Well I slapped him and he never got to "live" that fantasy. I just don't want to be someone's teenage fantasy. I know they'll go home and think about me, but I don't want them to come to me so I can fulfill their fantasies. I know that's what a lot of girls work for. I don't like it. I try to avoid it. I hate being a fantasy. 

Easy Money

I haven't written in awhile for a couple reasons. I've been tired. I haven't felt like writing. I haven't gone to work in a week. School started again. (I was on spring break.)

I went to work once this week. That would be yesterday. My regular was there and I really should work more often. I was trying to think of something to write about. There's always the "what I did today" entry. Usually that's repetitive and kind of boring. Plus it was a boring day. I was sitting talking to one of my regulars when I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. Easy money.

I don't know how often I hear "You should work more. It's easy money." Or "Wow you make a lot. I wish I could make easy money." Or my favorite "You have such a great job. It would be a dream come true for money to just be given to me so easily." Easy... That is not how I would describe my job. I would describe it as the hardest, most demanding job I have ever had. And I have worked quite a few.

It's always fun when I hear a (fat) business man complaining about how hard their job is... sitting behind a desk. And then they say they wish their job could be as easy and as much fun as mine. Usually I give the "You have no idea how fun this job is." Of course I'm being sarcastic, but with my smile and eye contact, they never kow. Every once in awhile, when they catch me on my mean days, I tell the truth and it goes a little something like this. "You know, it's so much fun. You have no idea how much I love having my boobs played with by fat disgusting strangers. It turns me on so much that I've gone upstairs and thrown up and cried because I'm just having so much fun. Being on stage, having hundreds of guys whistle at me all because I'm naked. Talking to men that are less intelligent than I am. Working my ass off for a dollar. Having my knees so sore, that when I get home my boyfriend has to carry me up the stairs because I can't walk. I love being called a mindless whore. And constantly being reminded that all I am worth to you is as a sexual object you can ogle. I love being so emotionally worn out that I can't finish my homework. It's really a blast when the highlight of my day is going home and taking a shower to get your gross smell off of my body. It's truly fantastic when I try to make love to my boyfriend and I am reminded of work. To top it all off I love that I have to sit down and talk and flirt with someone I can't stand for half an hour in order to make twenty dollars. And then once I have them in private dance they don't understand what the word "no" means. I love when people try to coerce me into kissing them, touching them, letting them touch me, having sex with them, dating them. I want nothing to do with you all, but I have to be here to go to school."

Okay, I'm a little angry at people thinking my job is easy. That I make easy money. I don't. Even if there are a few days that are easier than others. I do not make easy money. My job takes a toll on my knees, my entire body. It takes an emotional and psychological toll. My job is hard. Money is not easy to make. I do make more than anyone else my age and more than a lot of people I know. People need to keep in mind that the money has to also be worth it and a lot of days it's not. The money has to be worth the toll it takes physically. When I get injured I have to have made enough money to last for as long as it takes me to recover. The money has to be worth the emotional and psychological toll that the job has. The longer you're there the bigger the toll. Not to mention you change as a person, usually not for the better.

Is the money worth that?

Behind the Scenes

Hello World!

Here goes my second post. I thought I would give you all a little bit of a back story on what happens behind the scenes at a strip club. It is a lot different then what some will imagine. My main motto for work is "My job is like gambling: some days you make money, some days you lose money." I am being quite serious. There are days where I have paid the club to be there.

There are two shifts at the club I work. There is day shift and night shift, and some girls work a double. Day shift starts at 3:00 in the afternoon and goes until 9:00 at night. Night shift starts at 9:00. Monday through Wednesday the club closes at 3:00 in the morning. Thursday the club closes at 4:00 in the morning. Friday and Saturday it closes at 5:00 in the morning. Sundays the club opens at 8:00 at night and closes at 2:00 in the morning. When I was working weekends I would always tell my friends I worked a 9-5 job, just the other 9-5.  Everyone has to pay a house fee when working. The house fee depends on what shift you work. Day shift costs $10. Night shift costs $25, $30, $35. A double costs the price of night shift. Working Sundays costs $15. If you're late you get charged extra. On day shift I don't get charged a late fee because I go to school and I am not able to get to the club the moment it opens, but I do get there as fast as I can.

On top of the house fee we have to tip out. We tip the DJ and the bouncers a portion of our earnings. The DJ, at my club, does not get an hourly wage and only earns tips. The bouncers make minimum wage and whatever we tip them. I always tip 20% of my earnings. The DJ gets about 12% and the bouncers get about 8%. I tip the DJ more because they don't get and hourly wage. If I have a really good day I tip out more. I like sharing the wealth.

As a stripper my job entails stage sets and private dances. For stage there is a set list of all the girls at work in a certain order. The order doesn't change and whenever your name is called you're up on stage. Depending on how many girls there are is how long our stage sets last. If there are less than four girls we usually do four song sets. With four to ten or eleven girls there are three song sets. When there are more than twelve girls we do two song sets. Every girl gets to pick out the songs she dances to. I'm known as the country ballerina because I always dance to country. I don't have to tell the DJs what to play for me anymore because they know me and what I will and will not dance to. There are three types of lap dances. The cheapest is a table dance. They are $5 and last about thirty seconds. These happen at the table. Private dances are the next step up. They are $25 per song. This happens in a private area. The songs are a minimum of three minutes and fifteen seconds. The next step up is VIP. These are measured by time. Fifteen minutes cost $200. Half an hour costs $300. An hour costs $500. This happens in a more private area with leather couches and a private pole. These are hard to get because they are expensive. Girls get to keep everything they make on stage, table dances, and all tips. Out of every private dance done $5 goes to the club and the girls get to keep $20. Out of VIPs the club keeps $50 and the girls get everything else.

On weekends I make my money on stage because of this I don't do very many private dances. I don't like working weekends or night shifts because there are lots of people, lots of girls, and lots of competition. I work mostly day shifts. Day shifts there isn't much money on stage, but you can make a lot from private dances.

I'm sure that was pretty boring. It was a long one. I had to write it though, so then everyone (if anyone reads this) will know what I mean when I talk about tip out, house fee, day shift, double, etc. Hopefully my posts will become more entertaining and less mundane. Maybe one of these days I'll get a question. (If I do I will be sure to answer.) Or maybe a comment. Or maybe just a page view, that would be a great place to start. Oh well. I'm happy at least be getting stuff out there into the world. It is more cathartic than I thought it would be.

Have a great day!!!

The Start of Sober Stripper

Hello World.

I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but if anyone does please stay open minded. I've been meaning to start this for... several months now. Finally I have.

I'll start out with a few things about me. This probably won't be that interesting, but I'll get to that part eventually. I'm in my early twenties. I go to a teeny-tiny private college where I major in Literature, French, and Russian. I love studying. I love seeing my friends (although that happens very rarely). I cook and bake as much as I can. I love travelling and seeing the world. I'm very tall, for a girl that is. I don't like partying. I don't drink. I've never tried drugs, and I don't plan to. I am in a very committed relationship with the man I am going to marry. We have been together for a year and a half, and we have lived together for a year of that.

I work all the time. If I'm not in class I'm at work. And if I'm not their I'm at home sleeping or studying. I work at my school's library and as a receptionist in a medical office. So far, I'm sure, my life sounds really average. Like any other college student. The biggest difference is I work at a strip club. I am a stripper, and have been for ten months now. My friends, when they first found out, thought I was a waitress or a bartender there. I'm not the type of girl to strip. Actually I hate being naked. Before I started stripping I was only ever naked in the shower.

Here is the very brief history of why and how I got a job as a stripper. It's safe to say that I have a tense relationship with my parents. I had just finished my freshman year in college and had stayed at school a few days longer to see my boyfriend graduate. I couldn't find a job in my hometown, but I could find a job in a big city close to my college. I told my family that I would get a job and live at school over the summer, and I would be able to have the job for the rest of my college career. My parents did not like this and disowned me. They took away my cell phone, my car, my health insurance. They kept all of my things and they would not give me my passport, social security card, or birth certificate. I know it seems ridiculous, but that's actually what happened. Basically all I had left was the few clothes I had to last me the extra days on campus, the little money I had left over from the month before, a place to live, and my boyfriend. I took the weekend to cry and talk over my options with my boyfriend. He has been my main support system for the last year. The one person I can count on every day, all day, for anything and everything. On Monday I walked into the nicest, most reputable strip club in my area and asked for a job. I got the job because I had a pretty face and fourteen years of intensive classical ballet training. I had never wanted to capitalize on my looks, but I was in a jam and had to. My ballet training gave me the ability to have stage presence and entertain the way no one else could. That night I went home and cried with Jamie, my boyfriend.

Here I am ten months later. I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Possibly because I want people to know that not all strippers are drug addicts or alcoholics. I want people to know that there are some strippers that are down to earth, normal-everyday-people just trying to survive. I think I offer a new point-of-view because I am educated and I can look at the goings-on and relationships in a different light than a lot of girls. I have read a lot of research about strippers and the occupation, research on the psychological aspect, the emotional aspect, the personal aspect. It's complicated. My job should not be judged upon first walking into the club. Stay, come back, get to know the girls, and keep coming back. I can offer an opinion from a stripper that has a knowledge of the research but also experience in the field. I can also shed light on the life of a stripper and a offer a behind-the-scenes-look. I know many of my friends are curious about the occupation. They want to know what it is in real life instead of what is portrayed by television and pop-culture. On top of everything it is cathartic for me to write about work. With my friends I play my job off with humor. I do this as a coping mechanism, but my job is horrendous. It takes a psychological, emotional, and physical toll. I can be honest here. There will be a lot of humor, but there will also be a lot of frankness that may be difficult to read. I want this to be honest more than anything.

As the reader, if there are any, KEEP ME HONEST.