Tuesday, June 4, 2013

After

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. 

When I talk about the fact that I've been raped, the bolder people sometimes ask how it happened. Every once in awhile people will ask how I cope with my past and lead such a normal life today. But no one ever, ever asks what happened after. What were the moments like immediately after. 

For me, the very first time I was raped left a big impact on my life. (Probably because it is one of the few times that I remember every single detail of what happened. Every other time are just blurry memories that remind me of their existence.) The bigger impact on my life is what I did after. Those moments shaped everything I did for the next three years of my life.

Even today I have a hard time escaping those moments because they haunt me every day. 

I didn't scream. I didn't cry. I didn't leave. I didn't run. I didn't think. I picked myself up. I accepted what was. I moved on. 

I don't know if what I did makes me strong or weak. I just know it made me.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Tomorrow...

I've been trying to convince myself to go into work for the past... four weeks. Well tomorrow I will. Unfortunately. But I am going to work five to six days a week for the next four months. And then quit. So tomorrow is the beginning of four months of hell. And then I get my freedom/sanity back. Thank God!