Relationships

Because I strip and I have a curious mind, I have done a lot of research on stripping. I have read a lot of books and articles about stripping.

It's interesting how all the scholarly material is done about the client-stripper relationship, the stripper's relationship with herself, the stripper's personal history. If you think about each one of these things the research done isn't overly surprising. I'll sum it up for you.

The client-stripper relationship is interesting. There are two types of guys that go to the club. 1) The kind that go regularly. 2) The kind that go with a group for a social outing. The first kind is not what the public usually expects. These men are in a few different situations, but tied together by the bond of loneliness. They are usually single workaholics, men that travel and are away from their families or don't have families, or men that are older and don't like their wives anymore. These men want attention and don't have anyone else to get it from. These men develop a bond with a certain girl and only go into the club for that girl. The relationship is not based on anything sexual. It becomes a companionship. These men are so lonely they will pay to feel loved. (For the strippers this is how we make our big money. We develop regulars on certain days and we cultivate the bond they feel for us. We may or may not care for them, but they care for us. Because of that we are able to milk them for money. It's not nice, but it is the way it works.) The second kind are there because of their friends. They don't come that often and when they do the "group" mindset takes over and they aren't usually very kind. They are there to make women feel like sexual objects and use us. They may get a dance or two, but they tip well at the stage. They want the girls to flirt and flatter and lead them on. They usually expect us to go home with them because we're "easy."

The girl develops a relationship with herself throughout her carrier. She either becomes more sexual or less sexual depending on the girl. Though there is almost always some self loathing at one point, there is always a confidence boost because of the job. The girl become more empowered. Girls that do it to put themselves through college and keep their goals in order and stay grounded tend to be more successful than other women. This is because we know how to read a crowd, a group, and a person. We know how to make a sale to the crowd, group, and person. We know what works for us and what doesn't. We can handle rejection, and we don't take it personally. We are determined. There isn't a lot that can tear us down either.

The personal history of strippers tends to be fairly similar. Girls tend to have similar histories of little familial support. There is usually some form of abuse. Many girls have been sexually abused to some extent by someone. Usually the girls start with little to no self-confidence. A lot of girls have no sexual identity when they start. Other girls are forced into it by circumstance. No money, they have children as teenagers, they need money immediately. They have a drug addiction. And other reasons. There's usually some kind of troubled past.

I find it interesting being a part of this community because I can see the validity of all of these in one way or another. I can also explore the complexities and how all of these relationships intertwine to make a complicated situation, more so.

What I find even more puzzling is the lack of research done on the relationship between strippers. I find this to be one of the more complicated relationships. For me, I feel the other relationships are fairly common sense. While dancing I have encountered two ideologies when it comes to friends. First group, and also the more commonly thought ideology, don't make friends at work. Second group, friends help you make money. There is a lot of people and strippers that are loners at work. They have their "sort of friends," but no one they are close to . They do this because it can be hard to compete against your friends for money. These girls look at everyone else as their competition. Sometimes they do really well. Friends can be distracting at work. Like anything else, if they're having a bad day you want to be a good friend and help. This can mean losing out on dances which means losing out on money. Second, friends help you make money. Allies can point you in the direction of money.

I don't believe in the first ideology. In the beginning I was alone at the club because I was the new girl and going through my hazing. I did not make nearly as much money as I do now. Being completely alone at work can have an adverse affect. You don't have anyone to look out for you and make sure you're safe.

I am a sincere believer in the second ideology. Friends make work fun on slow days. Sometimes you can tag team and do one dance with two girls. More importantly, not every guy is going to like every girl. I have friends that are both similar and different from me at work. When I know a guy won't go for me, but I think he would like one of my friends. I point my friend in his direction. If I dance with a guy that isn't picky and has money I will send all my friends his way. If I can't make money off of a guy, I would rather have my friends make money off of him than a bitch I don't like. I also know that my friends will do the same thing for me. If they see someone that is looking for a girl like me they point me his way. I make more working in a team. I also feel safer knowing that there are a few girls that actually care about me as a person, and want to make sure that nothing bad happens.

The relationship is complicated between strippers. I could write a whole book on it. I'm really not joking about that. Strippers cause so much drama within the group. I will leave on this note. The bouncers stop more stripper fights than any others...