Naked

I just got out of class. I should have gone into work, but I ran into two of my good friends. I ended up sitting and talking to my friend MJ. We have two more days left of school. Tonight she has her performance art piece. For the piece she is naked and wrapped in cellophane and walks down the aisle. At the end of the aisle she breaks out of the cellophane and walks back out of the room naked.

My reaction was: That takes so much bravery. I could never do that. It's weird because I'm naked in front of hundreds of people that I don't know. She's doing it in front of people that know her, support her, and love her. I do it in front of complete strangers that only want to have sex with me. I can't get naked in front of people at school...

For me there is a huge separation between work and my life. In life I am never naked and a prude. I'm actually somewhat conservative with the way I dress. At work, I show everything off. I separate work and life so much that I have no idea how any one can get naked in front of people. The moment I walk into the club though, it's different. I can show it all off, and walk around in underwear.

I'm naked. I'm naked at the club literally. In life I'm emotionally naked. No one can tell because I hide it well. But I'm always on the brink of crying when things get hard. And if I'm honest... They are always hard. Being naked in front of a crowd is easier than being emotionally naked. I can bare showing my body. I can't bare showing my feelings. It's too open. It's too raw. It's me. I don't want people to know me. If they do, it's too difficult to keep up the facade.

I compartmentalize. I have to. There's work, and there's life. I talk about work often in life, but it's with a touch of humor. I don't think about work much because if I do it is too much to bare. At work I talk about life but I don't think about it. If I don't compartmentalize my life into two distinct sections I wouldn't be able to muddle through. Half the time I think that's what I'm doing. Just surviving.