So yesterday I was complaining about my uterus causing me pain... Guess what!!! It hasn't stopped. No in fact it has gotten worse. I'm still thinking about ripping my uturus out, but now I have expanded that to include my ovaries as well. Two internal organs that are completely useless.
When I tell people this they always say something to the effect of "You won't regret it when you hold your babies in your arms for the first time." (Please include a very soft, feminine, nurturing voice. Something akin to... nothing like mine.) My response is always "I'm sure. If I wanted children."
When I've looked forward to my life it's never included children surrounding me in the picture. I love children sure, but do I want them. Not really. I love babysitting them, playing with them, and then handing them off to their parents. To me kids say a lot of work, time, effort, and selflessness. I sound like a terrible person when I say 'I am all about me.' But I am. I have never had the desire to live my life for someone else, and the moment you become a parent that is exactly what you (should) do. I have things that I want to do and accomplish and children get in the way and hinder me from doing that. People always say 'You'll change your mind when you get older.' People have always said that to me, and so far it hasn't happened. People tend to think that because I'm a woman I innately want children. Wrong. My friends think it's because I don't want to ruin my body by being pregnant. Wrong. I think that would be the cool part about being a mom, the rest not cool. My friends tell me 'don't worry you can adopt'... Except for the fact that it will still have the same ending. Me with children.
To make matters worse my whole life is filled with people that want nothing more than to be parents. All my good friends want children. I have a hard time understanding why. On an intellectual level I get. Emotionally, no way.
To make matters worse Jamie wants kids. That stereotype that girls are the ones that want kids and girls have to talk guys into wanting them.Total crap. Every guy I've ever dated wants to be a dad. I don't get it! But because I want to keep Jamie in my life forever I am going to have children. My theory is that I will love them once I have them. But up until that point they seem like a waste of time to me.
I think that borders on heartless, but true.
I still want to rip out all my girly parts.
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