Sunday, July 29, 2012
...
Yesterday I had a man who asked me if I had a boyfriend. I wasn't in the mood to play nice-nice, so I told him the truth. His response was "Who would ever want to date a stripper. You're hooker with the added benefit that you can dance. You're someone else's trashy left-overs. Who would ever want you."
Friday, July 27, 2012
What I Deserve
I have been back from London for ten days now. I have only been able to drag myself into work twice. It's hard. I really need to go in more. I have bills to pay. They have to get paid. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff since I've been home.
I don't sleep well at night. I lay in bed next to the best man. He loves me in spite of everything. I lay in bed thinking that I don't deserve him. Most nights I leave bed and go sit on the couch for hours reading. I try to keep my mind off of my job. If I think about it too much I throw up. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate it. I feel disgusting. I feel like less than a person. I feel like I don't deserve to sleep in the same bed as Jamie, or even have him touch me. He deserves better. He deserves a girl that is only seen by him, that is only touched by him.
It's a job, but I every time I walk in there and parade around in underwear, I feel like I'm cheating on him. He tells me that it's all an act. It is. It isn't me personally, but it's still my body. They still touch me.
I don't sleep well at night. I lay in bed next to the best man. He loves me in spite of everything. I lay in bed thinking that I don't deserve him. Most nights I leave bed and go sit on the couch for hours reading. I try to keep my mind off of my job. If I think about it too much I throw up. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate it. I feel disgusting. I feel like less than a person. I feel like I don't deserve to sleep in the same bed as Jamie, or even have him touch me. He deserves better. He deserves a girl that is only seen by him, that is only touched by him.
It's a job, but I every time I walk in there and parade around in underwear, I feel like I'm cheating on him. He tells me that it's all an act. It is. It isn't me personally, but it's still my body. They still touch me.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Time Off
I have taken some time off from writing. If you've read past posts you know that I had been planning a trip to London. Well I am back from London now.
I took time off from writing because while I was in London, Jamie and I did not talk about my work or his the entire time. I also adopted the not writing method as well. It was extremely nice not thinking about work for a whole twenty days.
Now I am back in the United States and I am facing the inevitable... I have to go back to work. I should be on my way there right now, however, I have decided to take another day off. I can't bring myself to go there right now. I want to hold on to a few more days of peace and quiet at home. I want to hold onto my vacation mind set for just a few more hours.
I'll be back into the crappy club on Monday. I'll write more later.
I took time off from writing because while I was in London, Jamie and I did not talk about my work or his the entire time. I also adopted the not writing method as well. It was extremely nice not thinking about work for a whole twenty days.
Now I am back in the United States and I am facing the inevitable... I have to go back to work. I should be on my way there right now, however, I have decided to take another day off. I can't bring myself to go there right now. I want to hold on to a few more days of peace and quiet at home. I want to hold onto my vacation mind set for just a few more hours.
I'll be back into the crappy club on Monday. I'll write more later.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
My Frustrations
With as much as I've been working I'm compiling a very, very long list of things that frustrate me. Last night was terrible. I worked a double and made $550. This is not bad money. More than I would make in two weeks working minimum wage. Keeping it in perspective: normally I can make this much money on a Wednesday before nine at night. Anyways. Working nights frustrates me. For so many reasons.
Young guys frustrate me. They travel in groups. They like to try to bargain for dances. They want to try and find the best "deal" for their money.
This is what happened. A young guy, sitting in a group asked me to come over. I sat down next to him. He said he'd give me a private dance if I'd give him my underwear. My underwear cost more than a private dance does. Dancer's underwear aren't cheap. Then he wanted to try and get me to give him a "taste" of what a private dance is. He wanted me to do a table dance for three dollars. I don't do them for less than five. He wanted me to give him a private dance with the money he gave me while I was on stage because it was still his money.
Uptight women frustrate me. They like to drain the fun out of everyone with them. They judge the strippers. They try to make everyone feel bad around them for being at a strip club.
I was told to go down to the second stage after my first set. There were six people down there. Three men and three women. They were in their late forties, early fifties. I found out they were three married couples. When one of the guys told his friend "Go put a dollar up there for her" because no one was paying me at this point in time. The one woman decided to glare at me and yell at her husband "If your ass gets out of that chair, I will divorce you so fast."
Most of the night shift dancers frustrate me. They talk crap about everyone. They want to hurt everyone's feelings. They try to steal customers away from someone else.
The girls were talking crap about a very good friend of mine. They were saying that she lets guys stick their finger up her asshole. This is not true. They told one girl, who is very sweet and is self-conscious of her stretch marks, that she was an ugly fat bitch that doesn't know how to dress herself. I have a regular that comes in and only sees me. He only spends money on me. Several girls have gone up to him and told him that they can do things for him that I can't. That's tame in comparison. I've had girls steal hour-long VIP's from other girls.
Old men that think they're hot shit frustrate me. They try to get more than what they can. They try to convince girls to do things for them.
I had one guy a week ago that knew about my trip to London. He is older and thinks he's pretty amazing. He decided to ask it in this way first "Well, I was wondering if you wanted to get together with me outside of here, so that I could give you a couple hundred dollars for your trip." I don't do that. While in private dance he said "You know I meant we would do this outside of the club. Nothing illegal." I told him "Getting together outside of the club means lets go to coffee and I'll give you money for your company. You're a complete idiot if I would go anywhere private enough to do this with you or anyone else."
I'm frustrated after rehashing all of this.
Young guys frustrate me. They travel in groups. They like to try to bargain for dances. They want to try and find the best "deal" for their money.
This is what happened. A young guy, sitting in a group asked me to come over. I sat down next to him. He said he'd give me a private dance if I'd give him my underwear. My underwear cost more than a private dance does. Dancer's underwear aren't cheap. Then he wanted to try and get me to give him a "taste" of what a private dance is. He wanted me to do a table dance for three dollars. I don't do them for less than five. He wanted me to give him a private dance with the money he gave me while I was on stage because it was still his money.
Uptight women frustrate me. They like to drain the fun out of everyone with them. They judge the strippers. They try to make everyone feel bad around them for being at a strip club.
I was told to go down to the second stage after my first set. There were six people down there. Three men and three women. They were in their late forties, early fifties. I found out they were three married couples. When one of the guys told his friend "Go put a dollar up there for her" because no one was paying me at this point in time. The one woman decided to glare at me and yell at her husband "If your ass gets out of that chair, I will divorce you so fast."
Most of the night shift dancers frustrate me. They talk crap about everyone. They want to hurt everyone's feelings. They try to steal customers away from someone else.
The girls were talking crap about a very good friend of mine. They were saying that she lets guys stick their finger up her asshole. This is not true. They told one girl, who is very sweet and is self-conscious of her stretch marks, that she was an ugly fat bitch that doesn't know how to dress herself. I have a regular that comes in and only sees me. He only spends money on me. Several girls have gone up to him and told him that they can do things for him that I can't. That's tame in comparison. I've had girls steal hour-long VIP's from other girls.
Old men that think they're hot shit frustrate me. They try to get more than what they can. They try to convince girls to do things for them.
I had one guy a week ago that knew about my trip to London. He is older and thinks he's pretty amazing. He decided to ask it in this way first "Well, I was wondering if you wanted to get together with me outside of here, so that I could give you a couple hundred dollars for your trip." I don't do that. While in private dance he said "You know I meant we would do this outside of the club. Nothing illegal." I told him "Getting together outside of the club means lets go to coffee and I'll give you money for your company. You're a complete idiot if I would go anywhere private enough to do this with you or anyone else."
I'm frustrated after rehashing all of this.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Toll
I have been working a whole lot lately. Every day for doubles (12-14 hours) like I have mentioned in some of my latest posts.
This past week it has started taking a toll on me. Emotionally it took a toll awhile ago (but thanks to my acupuncturist it, is hasn't been so bad). Well I was in on Tuesday. Tuesdays are hard days to work 12 hours because they are two-for-ones all night. Pretty much twice the work for half the pay. I try never to work Tuesday's because it is too much work. With London coming up in four days I've been working non-stop. Tuesday at 8:30 I started feeling really cold. The pre-fever kind of chills. The manager of the club sent me up to VIP to take a nap on the comfortable couches because I looked so bad. At 9:45 I woke up and HAD to go home. I took a really hot shower because I couldn't get warm and then I crawled in bed. When Jamie got home from work he didn't know I was home and crawled in bed and could feel the warmth radiating off of me. I had a temperature of a 105. I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain. I woke up the next day at 1:00 when Jamie got back from working at Starbucks. He told me I wasn't going to work that day. (Which was the smart thing, but I didn't want to agree.) I ended up having to stay home on Thursday too because I still couldn't stand up quite right.
Because of my sudden onset fever I had to lower my money making goals to what Jamie and I truly NEED for the trip... Sans extra activities. Now I'm at work and it's still really slow, so I'm stressing about making the bare minimum.
The other downside of working doubles at the club is I haven't really seen Jamie in two and a half weeks (except for the two days where I was in a fever induced coma). I come home and crawl in bed and fifteen minutes later he has to get up and go to work. We're both too tired to even cuddle we just hold hands. And when I work Thursday-Saturday the only time I get to see him is if I stop in at Starbucks after I get off work. By the time he gets home from work I've already been at work for six hours. We live in the same house. We sleep in the same bed, but never at the same time. Our house is a sea of ever passing ships.
This past week it has started taking a toll on me. Emotionally it took a toll awhile ago (but thanks to my acupuncturist it, is hasn't been so bad). Well I was in on Tuesday. Tuesdays are hard days to work 12 hours because they are two-for-ones all night. Pretty much twice the work for half the pay. I try never to work Tuesday's because it is too much work. With London coming up in four days I've been working non-stop. Tuesday at 8:30 I started feeling really cold. The pre-fever kind of chills. The manager of the club sent me up to VIP to take a nap on the comfortable couches because I looked so bad. At 9:45 I woke up and HAD to go home. I took a really hot shower because I couldn't get warm and then I crawled in bed. When Jamie got home from work he didn't know I was home and crawled in bed and could feel the warmth radiating off of me. I had a temperature of a 105. I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain. I woke up the next day at 1:00 when Jamie got back from working at Starbucks. He told me I wasn't going to work that day. (Which was the smart thing, but I didn't want to agree.) I ended up having to stay home on Thursday too because I still couldn't stand up quite right.
Because of my sudden onset fever I had to lower my money making goals to what Jamie and I truly NEED for the trip... Sans extra activities. Now I'm at work and it's still really slow, so I'm stressing about making the bare minimum.
The other downside of working doubles at the club is I haven't really seen Jamie in two and a half weeks (except for the two days where I was in a fever induced coma). I come home and crawl in bed and fifteen minutes later he has to get up and go to work. We're both too tired to even cuddle we just hold hands. And when I work Thursday-Saturday the only time I get to see him is if I stop in at Starbucks after I get off work. By the time he gets home from work I've already been at work for six hours. We live in the same house. We sleep in the same bed, but never at the same time. Our house is a sea of ever passing ships.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Funny Things Guys Say In Private Dance
I'm working nights again, which I haven't done in nine months. The people that have been here as long as I have are shocked to see me at night because they know I'm a day girl.
Anyways working nights again, I'm running into all sorts of interesting people again. I remember them from my previous night experiences, but it's one thing remembering and another going through it again. On days there isn't a whole lot of variation in guys and what they say, it's all pretty similar. Here is a list of the highlights:
"Oh sexy pants, you know the way I like it."
"This point in the last dance I had a naked pussy getting my nose wet."
"Just let me smell your pussy."
"So... I'm not aloud to play with myself?"
"What's wrong with you? Why aren't you turned on right now?"
"Really? You don't want to see my cock?"
"You're too adorable to do a private dance with."
"Slapping your ass is like slapping jello... Just enough jiggle."
"Oh yeah. Bounce bitch bounce."
"I could take you home and lick you from North to South."
"You're really beautiful from the front but when you turned around all I can look at is your glory hole."
"Let's play a game. What did you learn at school?"
"So I can't stick my toes in your mouth?"
"So when do your panties come off?"
"How badly do you want my cock in your mouth?" (from and 82 year old)
"Why don't we leave here and hit the motel for free."
"It's my Birthday, why don't you make this extra super special."
"Oh... Private dance isn't code for sex... Damn it my friends were right."
"So would you play with yourself while you dance on me?"
"I want you to have a good time too."
"My wife never rides me the way you do."
"Your enthusiasm is inspiring."
"My wife won't blow me anymore. I even shaved for her. Do you want to see?"
Well those are some of the highlights. I'm at work as I write this, and a friend of mine helped pitch in some of her favorites. We had a few good laughs.
Anyways working nights again, I'm running into all sorts of interesting people again. I remember them from my previous night experiences, but it's one thing remembering and another going through it again. On days there isn't a whole lot of variation in guys and what they say, it's all pretty similar. Here is a list of the highlights:
"Oh sexy pants, you know the way I like it."
"This point in the last dance I had a naked pussy getting my nose wet."
"Just let me smell your pussy."
"So... I'm not aloud to play with myself?"
"What's wrong with you? Why aren't you turned on right now?"
"Really? You don't want to see my cock?"
"You're too adorable to do a private dance with."
"Slapping your ass is like slapping jello... Just enough jiggle."
"Oh yeah. Bounce bitch bounce."
"I could take you home and lick you from North to South."
"You're really beautiful from the front but when you turned around all I can look at is your glory hole."
"Let's play a game. What did you learn at school?"
"So I can't stick my toes in your mouth?"
"So when do your panties come off?"
"How badly do you want my cock in your mouth?" (from and 82 year old)
"Why don't we leave here and hit the motel for free."
"It's my Birthday, why don't you make this extra super special."
"Oh... Private dance isn't code for sex... Damn it my friends were right."
"So would you play with yourself while you dance on me?"
"I want you to have a good time too."
"My wife never rides me the way you do."
"Your enthusiasm is inspiring."
"My wife won't blow me anymore. I even shaved for her. Do you want to see?"
Well those are some of the highlights. I'm at work as I write this, and a friend of mine helped pitch in some of her favorites. We had a few good laughs.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Death
I am dying... Not literally. But I feel like it. This has been my schedule:
8:00 am: Wake up
9:00 am: Go to work
12:30 pm: Get off work and eat lunch
1:30 pm: Get ready for work
3:00 pm: Be at work
3:00 am-5:00 am: Get off work
4:00 am- 6:00 am: Go to bed
8:00 am: Repeat
It's terrible. I am working my butt off and getting very little sleep. And work has been so slow that I can't make money for the life of me. My regular isn't coming in this week. My days are the same every day that I can't distinguish one from the next. I need to make $4200 more in 9 days for London and it's just not working. It's not for the lack of effort. I'm here more than anyone else. (12-14 hour days, JUST at the club) I'm working harder than anyone else. The upside is that I am making more than anyone else, but it's not saying much when no one is making any money.
I feel like death because I am working so much and sleeping so little. To top it all off my shoes are broken and I REALLY need new ones, but I'm not making enough for bills let alone for new shoes. I just need two really good nights and everything would be okay. I keep hoping. If anyone is ready this, please put good thoughts out there for me. Because I leave for London in 12 days and I have to pay my bills and have money to eat while I am studying.
On the upside because I am working so much, I'm losing weight. I've gained a little bit since going on birth control again. It's been upsetting me, and all the exercise is helping me get into shape! Yay!!!
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