Oh Honey

Yesterday I was at work with my laptop. I'm working on writing a piece when one of my co-workers needed to borrow my computer. She saw the title and started reading it saying "My... vagna...

mon...log... ooee" She then turned to me and asked "Whats a monlogooee?" Well the words were vagina and monologue. She's 24 has two children and can't read well... And has no idea what a monologue is. It's difficult for me to understand how and adult is unable to pronounce/read simple words like this and have no idea what they mean. 

My response was "Oh honey." And explained. What else is there to say? I don't want to be mean. But really!!! 

I Can Do Better

The thing that irritates me most is when snotty girls come into the club and sit at the stage. Most girls that come in are fine, but there are the few that suck.

It's a lot of fun when you're on stage and you hear a girl voice saying "Oh, I can do that." "I can do that better." "I don't understand why this is so special I can do that too." "Okay that might be a little impressive."

My response to this is "Can you do it as well as I can? After 11 HOURS of doing this?" I said this. Her response was "Wait... 11 hours? And if it's so easy why the hell aren't you up here taking your clothes off for money?" Her friend replied to the stupid girl "Shut the fuck up. You can't do any of it. You can barely stay up eleven hours let alone work for eleven hours." My response was "thank you."

How Much For Sex?

I'm at work right now. Because of my upcoming trip to London I am working every day for 12-14 hours. It's tough, but I am making pretty good money. First of all, today has been a great day. My regular, who I haven't seen in a month, came in. (Yay!) Stages have been amazing. The best part of my day: I got a VIP. This is the second I have ever had, and I've been doing this for over a year now. (I celebrated my anniversary a week ago.) I didn't have to work for it. He just asked. So for the day shift, which is six hours, I made $400. I'm into hour 8.5 of 12 and am at $470. (That's after tip-out, night shift house fee, and tomorrow's house fee.) So good. I really need everyday to be like this. I don't even need it to be this good, but better is ALWAYS good. This irritates me so much. It wouldn't be an issue if it happened once in a blue moon, but when it happens several times throughout the week and even the day, it gets old. I am a stripper, not a prostitute.

I took an hour break to get out of here for a little while. Fresh air, errand run, call Jamie. I came back and was put on stage immediately. I made $40 on my first stage. The moment I was off stage I was taken to private dance for two songs. Good things. Except the whole time he kept trying to suck my boobs, touch my pussy, and more importantly "Sex? What cost?" If you haven't guessed, he's a foreigner. I said no several times and said that I don't do that. He then decided to put a price on it; like that would change my mind. "One hour $1000." No. "Half hour $1000." No. "One hour $2000." No. "Why not?" No. "How much for sex?" Never ever gonna happen

Walking Masturbation Machine.

Private dances are my least favorite part of my job... Other than the men. There are MANY different kinds of private dances. My favorite are the dances are when we sit and talk. The next best thing is having a guy that wants me to dance for him, but doesn't want to touch me because he's uncomfortable with it. Next is the dances where there is touching, but the kind of touching that is soft and gentle (this doesn't bother me that much because they are good guys... generally). The next is a private dance where the guy is really rough. (Sometimes leaving bruises and even worse draws blood.) The absolute worst, however, is when the guy grabs me by the hips and makes me go forward to back on his crotch or bounce up and down. This is what I call the masturbator. These guys only come to the club so that they can get off.

That last kind of dance is the worst. There is nothing good about these guys. They make me feel like a walking masturbation machine. I already feel like crap about my job. Thank you for making it so much more obvious what I do, and what my "true" purpose in life is... as a woman.

Lucky

I try not to talk about Jamie a lot at work. I don't like mixing those two. It's hard to talk about work with him because he hates my job. I hate it too, but sometimes I need to talk about it. I hate talking about him at work especially to the men. When I do, it makes me feel more like a whore than usual.

I bring Jamie up for two reasons.
-The first reason is used far more often. I bring up Jamie to distance myself from the guy. They start getting touchy-feely in the creepy "I want to date you" kind of way. So I bring up Jamie and how we're very, very, very serious and completely and totally in love. I also make sure to tell them that no man will ever even come close to comparing. With the this the guy has one of two reactions. The first reaction is that the guy gets pissed off and wants me to leave him alone. Which I am more than happy to comply with his wishes. Or the second reaction is the more common and the one that pisses me off "Oh... Well you make sure to tell him I say he's a really lucky guy." Here's the reaction that goes through my head: "I'm not going to tell him that! How dumb are you? Telling him he's lucky that I'm awesome, from a guy that is paying me because I'm a stripper. Oh my God! You're a genius. That's totally what gets him going. Being reminded that I take my clothes off for money." Here's my real reaction: "Thanks." I get up and leave cause the guys a douche.
-Second reason is to bring myself closer to a guy. I the case of a regular there comes a conversation, farther down the line where they want to know about my personally life. In order for them to feel like they have my confidence and are truly getting to know "me" I tell them about Jamie. I make up fake problems that we. They feel like they can help me talk through them. This allows us to be "closer" and then I make more money. I hate talking about Jamie, but in this circumstance all they get is his name. They don't learn anything about him. They still tell me "he's lucky."

Lucky. He's lucky that I make a lot of money because I take my clothes off. He's lucky that other guys get to touch me. He's lucky that I flirt for a living. He's lucky that thousands of men have seen me naked. He's lucky that something so personal is there for any one to see if they pay the right price.

I don't know how he deals with it as well as he does. He's special. He can keep living and keep loving me even through this job. He is stronger than most. I'm going on my anniversary of working at the club. Jamie and I have been together almost a year and a half. I have been working for twice as long as we've been together. It's hard for me. I don't know how it's not killing him.

You know Jamie is a real lucky guy.

Naked

I just got out of class. I should have gone into work, but I ran into two of my good friends. I ended up sitting and talking to my friend MJ. We have two more days left of school. Tonight she has her performance art piece. For the piece she is naked and wrapped in cellophane and walks down the aisle. At the end of the aisle she breaks out of the cellophane and walks back out of the room naked.

My reaction was: That takes so much bravery. I could never do that. It's weird because I'm naked in front of hundreds of people that I don't know. She's doing it in front of people that know her, support her, and love her. I do it in front of complete strangers that only want to have sex with me. I can't get naked in front of people at school...

For me there is a huge separation between work and my life. In life I am never naked and a prude. I'm actually somewhat conservative with the way I dress. At work, I show everything off. I separate work and life so much that I have no idea how any one can get naked in front of people. The moment I walk into the club though, it's different. I can show it all off, and walk around in underwear.

I'm naked. I'm naked at the club literally. In life I'm emotionally naked. No one can tell because I hide it well. But I'm always on the brink of crying when things get hard. And if I'm honest... They are always hard. Being naked in front of a crowd is easier than being emotionally naked. I can bare showing my body. I can't bare showing my feelings. It's too open. It's too raw. It's me. I don't want people to know me. If they do, it's too difficult to keep up the facade.

I compartmentalize. I have to. There's work, and there's life. I talk about work often in life, but it's with a touch of humor. I don't think about work much because if I do it is too much to bare. At work I talk about life but I don't think about it. If I don't compartmentalize my life into two distinct sections I wouldn't be able to muddle through. Half the time I think that's what I'm doing. Just surviving.

Friends

So tomorrow I have to go to work. :( Oh well. I have to get used to it because I will be in the club six days a week next month... Yay!

Anyways, tomorrow will actually be a fun day at work because my three best friends are coming! None of them have been to the club before, so they are all excited, but a little nervous. Vera is the most torn. She's excited, but she also knows that I'm going to be using her to make some money. She's not sure what I will be doing with her. So it's fun for me because she's a little nervous. I'm going to make Alexis take a couple shots before we go, so then she will loosen up and have a bit more fun.

I'm looking forward to it. It won't be as lonely. They will also understand more clearly what my job actually is. And they will get to know who my "club" persona is. They haven't seen it, and it will be nice so I won't have to describe it.

I'll let you know how it goes! But YAY!!! I get to share this part of my life with my friends.