So tomorrow I have to go to work. :( Oh well. I have to get used to it because I will be in the club six days a week next month... Yay!
Anyways, tomorrow will actually be a fun day at work because my three best friends are coming! None of them have been to the club before, so they are all excited, but a little nervous. Vera is the most torn. She's excited, but she also knows that I'm going to be using her to make some money. She's not sure what I will be doing with her. So it's fun for me because she's a little nervous. I'm going to make Alexis take a couple shots before we go, so then she will loosen up and have a bit more fun.
I'm looking forward to it. It won't be as lonely. They will also understand more clearly what my job actually is. And they will get to know who my "club" persona is. They haven't seen it, and it will be nice so I won't have to describe it.
I'll let you know how it goes! But YAY!!! I get to share this part of my life with my friends.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Boredom
I'm so bored and I have nothing to do right now, so I thought I would write a post. I was just thinking about a regular that hasn't crossed my mind in about six months.
I live and work in Iowa. I wouldn't think that Iowa would be a huge business destination, but I have a huge number of clients that are from out of state. I tend to do really well with this crowd. I like them best of all too because it's usually their first time in and they don't know the rules. This means that they won't touch me because they think they will get in trouble. They're also more likely to be lonely and more interested in my conversation. They also have more money, on average.
I met this regular last June. He came in two or three times a month for five months. He was from California. Most the time he stopped in when he was in town for work, but sometimes when he had nothing else to do and wanted company, he would fly to Iowa just to me.
There's a turning point with regulars. They can go one of two ways. The regular forms an attachment that is of the romantic sort. You need to cut these regulars because these are the ones that will turn into stalkers. They can also go the way of friendship. These are the ones that come into the club that want company and just to talk. They no longer get dances. These are also the ones that you can convince to help pay your bills. We keep these regulars.
Anyways my regular from California started going way of stalker. I eventually had to tell him I no longer wanted to see him any more. Because he lived in California I was pretty safe of never seeing him again.
I don't know why I thought of him today, but I did.
I live and work in Iowa. I wouldn't think that Iowa would be a huge business destination, but I have a huge number of clients that are from out of state. I tend to do really well with this crowd. I like them best of all too because it's usually their first time in and they don't know the rules. This means that they won't touch me because they think they will get in trouble. They're also more likely to be lonely and more interested in my conversation. They also have more money, on average.
I met this regular last June. He came in two or three times a month for five months. He was from California. Most the time he stopped in when he was in town for work, but sometimes when he had nothing else to do and wanted company, he would fly to Iowa just to me.
There's a turning point with regulars. They can go one of two ways. The regular forms an attachment that is of the romantic sort. You need to cut these regulars because these are the ones that will turn into stalkers. They can also go the way of friendship. These are the ones that come into the club that want company and just to talk. They no longer get dances. These are also the ones that you can convince to help pay your bills. We keep these regulars.
Anyways my regular from California started going way of stalker. I eventually had to tell him I no longer wanted to see him any more. Because he lived in California I was pretty safe of never seeing him again.
I don't know why I thought of him today, but I did.
21
I am preparing myself...
To turn 21.
I should be excited about this, but I don't know. This number holds so much weight in society. It's the "Congratulations you're finally an actual grown up" Birthday. For me it's just another day. I'm not huge on celebrating Birthdays, at least mine anyways. I love celebrating other peoples. My own just seems so over rated.
I've been planning my 21st birthday for almost fourteen years. I was seven and out to dinner with my family. Another table had ordered a bunch of umbrella drinks. My seven year old self was very much attracted to these umbrellas and wanted one of those drinks. My dad told me they were for grown ups and when I turned 21 I could have one. I asked him what it was called and he told me "Mai Tai." I told him "When I turn 21 we're going to have Mai Tai's together." My dad laughed and said he'd be there. Here I am the day before my 21st and I will be leaving to go home tomorrow morning. I'm going on a double date with my younger brother and his girlfriend for lunch. For dinner, almost fourteen years later, we are going back to that restaurant and my dad and I will each have a Mai Tai. I'll go back to school and probably do homework. I'm sure it's one of the more laid back 21st Birthday's, but it will be nice.
The other day I had been teasing Jamie that on the way back from my parent's house we should stop by the casino, that is on the way. That way I could get my first time gambling out of the way too. I was joking because I don't like wasting my money. He's taking me serious and we will be stopping on our way home.
Unlike Jamie, I will remember my 21st Birthday.
To turn 21.
I should be excited about this, but I don't know. This number holds so much weight in society. It's the "Congratulations you're finally an actual grown up" Birthday. For me it's just another day. I'm not huge on celebrating Birthdays, at least mine anyways. I love celebrating other peoples. My own just seems so over rated.
I've been planning my 21st birthday for almost fourteen years. I was seven and out to dinner with my family. Another table had ordered a bunch of umbrella drinks. My seven year old self was very much attracted to these umbrellas and wanted one of those drinks. My dad told me they were for grown ups and when I turned 21 I could have one. I asked him what it was called and he told me "Mai Tai." I told him "When I turn 21 we're going to have Mai Tai's together." My dad laughed and said he'd be there. Here I am the day before my 21st and I will be leaving to go home tomorrow morning. I'm going on a double date with my younger brother and his girlfriend for lunch. For dinner, almost fourteen years later, we are going back to that restaurant and my dad and I will each have a Mai Tai. I'll go back to school and probably do homework. I'm sure it's one of the more laid back 21st Birthday's, but it will be nice.
The other day I had been teasing Jamie that on the way back from my parent's house we should stop by the casino, that is on the way. That way I could get my first time gambling out of the way too. I was joking because I don't like wasting my money. He's taking me serious and we will be stopping on our way home.
Unlike Jamie, I will remember my 21st Birthday.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Minimum Wage
It's May and it's a really bad month to work... or be in need of money. It's finally warmed up outside, so everyone wants to be outside doing outdoorsy things. They don't come into the strip club.
Up until this month, my worst day ever had been when I made $60.00 in a six hour shift that is still ten dollars an hour. This month, I have left three times making less than $25. That's less than minimum wage. I get NAKED!!! I should be making far more money if I have to get naked.
People always think that strippers make lots of money. Most the time, I do make quite a bit of money. There are lots of days when I make minimum wage.
UGH!!!
Up until this month, my worst day ever had been when I made $60.00 in a six hour shift that is still ten dollars an hour. This month, I have left three times making less than $25. That's less than minimum wage. I get NAKED!!! I should be making far more money if I have to get naked.
People always think that strippers make lots of money. Most the time, I do make quite a bit of money. There are lots of days when I make minimum wage.
UGH!!!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Saturday Night
I haven't worked a Saturday night in over five months. Last night I did... And it was awful. Usually the club is packed with upwards of 500 people. (Five hundred being a slower night.) There might have been 250 people in at its peak. No one made any money. I went home with $200 and that was a lot better than what most people made last night.
There were 52 girls in last night. I have never seen so many. I went up on stage once, and I didn't get a single private dance. It was terrible.
Last night was interesting though. I had a few realizations. First, there aren't many girls working that have been there longer than I have. Out of the 52, there were only five that pre-dated me. A lot of the new girls know who I am, but they've never worked with me. Everyone was commenting that they were happy to see me and were very surprised that I was there. During day shift everyone treats eachother pretty equally, but at night there is a hierarchy. Last night I was given the respect of a veteran, and that felt weird. I feel like I just walked in a few weeks ago myself. Second, I found that I don't know how to work a night shift anymore. It's been so long, I was having a hard time. Third, I realized I am very convincing and determined.
I've been wearing the same clothes at work for a year now. Pretty boring and basic. Nothing special at all. Since I work a lot of day shifts, I don't need to be flashy and new and sparkly. I can wear a tight t-shirt and boy shorts and everyone thinks it's grand. At night, you have to be better than that. So, with the very little money I had before work, I went shopping for three new outfits. If you get to know me outside of work I wear lots of bright colors, but at work it's a lot of black. Well I bought a green outfit, a purple outfit, and a white and black polka-dot outfit. People seemed to respond well to it. ...If only there had been more people.
I got to work at 8:30. My make-up was already done so I was on the floor by nine. At ten I ran into a guy I haven't seen in a few months. He doesn't get dances, which is fine because I enjoy talking to him. He left at 10:30 and I had $40 in my pocket. I didn't make any more money until my stage set at 1:30 in the morning. (Normally on a Saturday night, I would be on stage two or three times.) My very first stage there was a bachelor. I went over to him. His friend said "Beat his ass." I wasn't in the mood so I said no. I said congratulations and gave him a kiss on the cheek. As I did, he hauled off and hit my ass. It hurt. Immediately, I open handed him on the side of his head as hard as I could. He was stunned and said "What was that for?" "If you hit me, I hit you harder." He kept trying to put dollars on the stage and I ignored them. He got pissed and told the bouncer I hit him. The bouncer knows me well and asked "Well what did you do to deserve it?" When I got off the stage I had a medium pile of ones. I was sitting and sorting them when I guy came up to me "Hey you're rich you can go home now." I looked at him "Look around. It's crap. I am barely making minimum wage." He looked at me "It's not how much money you make it's how big the pile looks. That's all that's important. It's not like you have anything to buy but drugs and alcohol." I walked away.
After stage and putting aside tip out and house fee, I had $100. Remember, I did not have a single private dance and only one stage set, and yet I went home with $200. How did I make that extra hundred you ask. Well that is determination. A few days ago I had been told that I should tap into my blue eyes. Well 3:30 hit and I still only had $100. That was not enough I said. I needed more. I sat down on the guy's laps. I smiled my dimply smile and looked them very squarely in the eye. Not in a "stare down" way but in a "I'm so enthralled with what you're saying I can't take my eyes from yours." After a few minutes I would say in a whispy, meek voice "Would you like a private dance?" While slightly raising my eyebrows and widening my blue eyes. No one had money at this point. But everyone grabbed their wallets to check. "I don't have enough for a dance..." I would look down and then up saying softly "Well that's alright." As I would motion to go they would hand me all the money in their wallets "It was so nice talking to you." I would kiss them on the cheek and say good night. I did this until I had $200. I feel a little bad about taking their last money, but I never suggested or asked. They gave. I need to use my eyes more.
There were 52 girls in last night. I have never seen so many. I went up on stage once, and I didn't get a single private dance. It was terrible.
Last night was interesting though. I had a few realizations. First, there aren't many girls working that have been there longer than I have. Out of the 52, there were only five that pre-dated me. A lot of the new girls know who I am, but they've never worked with me. Everyone was commenting that they were happy to see me and were very surprised that I was there. During day shift everyone treats eachother pretty equally, but at night there is a hierarchy. Last night I was given the respect of a veteran, and that felt weird. I feel like I just walked in a few weeks ago myself. Second, I found that I don't know how to work a night shift anymore. It's been so long, I was having a hard time. Third, I realized I am very convincing and determined.
I've been wearing the same clothes at work for a year now. Pretty boring and basic. Nothing special at all. Since I work a lot of day shifts, I don't need to be flashy and new and sparkly. I can wear a tight t-shirt and boy shorts and everyone thinks it's grand. At night, you have to be better than that. So, with the very little money I had before work, I went shopping for three new outfits. If you get to know me outside of work I wear lots of bright colors, but at work it's a lot of black. Well I bought a green outfit, a purple outfit, and a white and black polka-dot outfit. People seemed to respond well to it. ...If only there had been more people.
I got to work at 8:30. My make-up was already done so I was on the floor by nine. At ten I ran into a guy I haven't seen in a few months. He doesn't get dances, which is fine because I enjoy talking to him. He left at 10:30 and I had $40 in my pocket. I didn't make any more money until my stage set at 1:30 in the morning. (Normally on a Saturday night, I would be on stage two or three times.) My very first stage there was a bachelor. I went over to him. His friend said "Beat his ass." I wasn't in the mood so I said no. I said congratulations and gave him a kiss on the cheek. As I did, he hauled off and hit my ass. It hurt. Immediately, I open handed him on the side of his head as hard as I could. He was stunned and said "What was that for?" "If you hit me, I hit you harder." He kept trying to put dollars on the stage and I ignored them. He got pissed and told the bouncer I hit him. The bouncer knows me well and asked "Well what did you do to deserve it?" When I got off the stage I had a medium pile of ones. I was sitting and sorting them when I guy came up to me "Hey you're rich you can go home now." I looked at him "Look around. It's crap. I am barely making minimum wage." He looked at me "It's not how much money you make it's how big the pile looks. That's all that's important. It's not like you have anything to buy but drugs and alcohol." I walked away.
After stage and putting aside tip out and house fee, I had $100. Remember, I did not have a single private dance and only one stage set, and yet I went home with $200. How did I make that extra hundred you ask. Well that is determination. A few days ago I had been told that I should tap into my blue eyes. Well 3:30 hit and I still only had $100. That was not enough I said. I needed more. I sat down on the guy's laps. I smiled my dimply smile and looked them very squarely in the eye. Not in a "stare down" way but in a "I'm so enthralled with what you're saying I can't take my eyes from yours." After a few minutes I would say in a whispy, meek voice "Would you like a private dance?" While slightly raising my eyebrows and widening my blue eyes. No one had money at this point. But everyone grabbed their wallets to check. "I don't have enough for a dance..." I would look down and then up saying softly "Well that's alright." As I would motion to go they would hand me all the money in their wallets "It was so nice talking to you." I would kiss them on the cheek and say good night. I did this until I had $200. I feel a little bad about taking their last money, but I never suggested or asked. They gave. I need to use my eyes more.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Inner Circle
It's been awhile since I've posted. Sorry! I've been working twelve hour days at the club and I haven't had much time to write.
I've been working at the club for almost a year, and I finally feel like I have been accepted into the inner circle. The inner circle is made up of the girls that have the highest earnings, the girls that no what they're doing, these are some of the best girls in the mid-West. Skill wise and money wise, I'm on the same level, but I was never accepted into the group. And I never figured out why. I had thought it was because I was still new, and they didn't trust me.
Work has been very slow this past week. Yesterday there was a long period of time when there was no one in the club. Lately the top earner, and the most respected girl at the club, has been talking to me. She and I have a long history, and I will get into that in a later post. Yesterday she told me that she did not want to talk to me or help me out as a beginner because of my potential. She saw in me an ability to make more money than anyone else. She never wanted to help me because she knew if I tapped into my potential, she would start losing money. She views me as her biggest competition. She had everyone else keep me at arms length.
In the past two weeks I have gone from being on the outside of the inner circle to being on the inside of the inner circle. I never thought of myself as being the competition. I've always been there to make money. I keep my head down, so I don't step on anyone's toes.
It's a little funny. I hit the point in my "career" where all I want is to be done, and that is the point where everyone starts to accept me. It doesn't make the job any easier, but at least I know why I was treated so poorly for so long.
I've been working at the club for almost a year, and I finally feel like I have been accepted into the inner circle. The inner circle is made up of the girls that have the highest earnings, the girls that no what they're doing, these are some of the best girls in the mid-West. Skill wise and money wise, I'm on the same level, but I was never accepted into the group. And I never figured out why. I had thought it was because I was still new, and they didn't trust me.
Work has been very slow this past week. Yesterday there was a long period of time when there was no one in the club. Lately the top earner, and the most respected girl at the club, has been talking to me. She and I have a long history, and I will get into that in a later post. Yesterday she told me that she did not want to talk to me or help me out as a beginner because of my potential. She saw in me an ability to make more money than anyone else. She never wanted to help me because she knew if I tapped into my potential, she would start losing money. She views me as her biggest competition. She had everyone else keep me at arms length.
In the past two weeks I have gone from being on the outside of the inner circle to being on the inside of the inner circle. I never thought of myself as being the competition. I've always been there to make money. I keep my head down, so I don't step on anyone's toes.
It's a little funny. I hit the point in my "career" where all I want is to be done, and that is the point where everyone starts to accept me. It doesn't make the job any easier, but at least I know why I was treated so poorly for so long.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Will It Get Better?
I need to be sad for a little while because my life is overwhelming right now. I realize my life is not terrible, but I feel like it right now. I am going to vent all of my frustrations and feelings. This doesn't happen often, but sometimes I need to. And the two friends I need right now are out of town.
First of all, and this is the most pressing, I have a heart condition and I'm going to London for two weeks this summer. How do these two relate? London costs a lot of money to go, and I need to make a lot of money. My heart condition has made me take almost four weeks off of work because it has been acting up. So, in order to pay all of my bills and go to London I need to make damn near $9,000 this month. That is soooo much money. I'm stressing out so much. London isn't just this fun trip either, I got into a translation program that could end up making my career. So, part of it is a vacation, but the reason why I'm going is for my education/future.
Second, Jamie dropped his phone, iPhone, last night and it broke. So that's $150 that we didn't have that we had to spend today. I'm not mad at him; I'm just mad that all I do is spend money and never get to put it towards savings, the trip, or things I want/need.
Third, Jamie forgot how much money he had and what bills needed to be paid. (Usually he is very, very good about this.) Anyways, I just found out today, that I need to come up with almost $500 to pay for rent by tomorrow. And I need to pay off the tires we bought six months ago. All of this is within the next three days. And I'm going to be out of town tomorrow. And I'm sick and having chest pain. And I'm just dying... Or at least I feel like I am.
Fourth, I'm not sleeping well at night because I keep dreaming about a time in my life that I would rather forget. A VERY long story short: I dated a guy from 17-19. I was very depressed and suicidal. He raped me for the full two years we were together. There are many, many, many reasons why I didn't leave him. Eventually I did. Because it was such a traumatic period of my life, I blocked a lot of specific incidents out of my mind. The last month or so, I have started remembering things in my dreams. It keeps me from sleeping well. It's hard because I don't really talk about anything specifically to anyone. My personality keeps me from confiding in people or talking to anyone about it. My good friends call me all the time because they need to talk about things going on in their lives. I love that they do this with me, but I've just realized that I've never done that. When I tell things that happen to me it's very non-specific and I drop it into conversations because I don't want it to be a "big" thing. Even though the things I need to talk about/should talk about are really big things. I know how to be a friend that is there, but I have a hard time letting my friends be there for me.
Fifth, I really hate my job. I cried all the way to work today. I'm angry that I have to be here. I'm angry that no one is here to pay me. I'm angry that I don't get to be a normal college student. My good friend Alexis, tells me that I need to go to work with the attitude of "this will make a great blog post." She tries to make it sound bearable, and she wants the best for me. And I love her for it, but it doesn't make it any easier to go to work. The blogging is cathartic, but quitting my job would be more so.
I was in tears walking on campus today talking to Jamie because of the stress from all the money I have to make. I don't know how or if I even can make enough. I'm not normally emotional and I seldom cry. But today I've been crying a lot. My heart condition is acting up and making it really hard for me to work. My life has been hard and difficult, and I just want it to be easy. I know my life is "better" than what it was, but it's not necessarily good. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I have super supportive friends. But I want to quit my job. I've been trying to have a social life at school. In order to have a social life I have to give up working, and I can't do that. I just want to be a normal college student. With normal problems. I want to be worried about finishing my paper. I don't want to have to worry about paying $2500 in bills every month. I want to go out and party (sans the drinking). I want life to get easier. I don't want it to be this hard. I just want my life to get easier.
First of all, and this is the most pressing, I have a heart condition and I'm going to London for two weeks this summer. How do these two relate? London costs a lot of money to go, and I need to make a lot of money. My heart condition has made me take almost four weeks off of work because it has been acting up. So, in order to pay all of my bills and go to London I need to make damn near $9,000 this month. That is soooo much money. I'm stressing out so much. London isn't just this fun trip either, I got into a translation program that could end up making my career. So, part of it is a vacation, but the reason why I'm going is for my education/future.
Second, Jamie dropped his phone, iPhone, last night and it broke. So that's $150 that we didn't have that we had to spend today. I'm not mad at him; I'm just mad that all I do is spend money and never get to put it towards savings, the trip, or things I want/need.
Third, Jamie forgot how much money he had and what bills needed to be paid. (Usually he is very, very good about this.) Anyways, I just found out today, that I need to come up with almost $500 to pay for rent by tomorrow. And I need to pay off the tires we bought six months ago. All of this is within the next three days. And I'm going to be out of town tomorrow. And I'm sick and having chest pain. And I'm just dying... Or at least I feel like I am.
Fourth, I'm not sleeping well at night because I keep dreaming about a time in my life that I would rather forget. A VERY long story short: I dated a guy from 17-19. I was very depressed and suicidal. He raped me for the full two years we were together. There are many, many, many reasons why I didn't leave him. Eventually I did. Because it was such a traumatic period of my life, I blocked a lot of specific incidents out of my mind. The last month or so, I have started remembering things in my dreams. It keeps me from sleeping well. It's hard because I don't really talk about anything specifically to anyone. My personality keeps me from confiding in people or talking to anyone about it. My good friends call me all the time because they need to talk about things going on in their lives. I love that they do this with me, but I've just realized that I've never done that. When I tell things that happen to me it's very non-specific and I drop it into conversations because I don't want it to be a "big" thing. Even though the things I need to talk about/should talk about are really big things. I know how to be a friend that is there, but I have a hard time letting my friends be there for me.
Fifth, I really hate my job. I cried all the way to work today. I'm angry that I have to be here. I'm angry that no one is here to pay me. I'm angry that I don't get to be a normal college student. My good friend Alexis, tells me that I need to go to work with the attitude of "this will make a great blog post." She tries to make it sound bearable, and she wants the best for me. And I love her for it, but it doesn't make it any easier to go to work. The blogging is cathartic, but quitting my job would be more so.
I was in tears walking on campus today talking to Jamie because of the stress from all the money I have to make. I don't know how or if I even can make enough. I'm not normally emotional and I seldom cry. But today I've been crying a lot. My heart condition is acting up and making it really hard for me to work. My life has been hard and difficult, and I just want it to be easy. I know my life is "better" than what it was, but it's not necessarily good. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I have super supportive friends. But I want to quit my job. I've been trying to have a social life at school. In order to have a social life I have to give up working, and I can't do that. I just want to be a normal college student. With normal problems. I want to be worried about finishing my paper. I don't want to have to worry about paying $2500 in bills every month. I want to go out and party (sans the drinking). I want life to get easier. I don't want it to be this hard. I just want my life to get easier.
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