Save Me!!!

"You're the embodiment of all evil in the world."

"You need to find yourself a good country boy who will take care of you, and get you out of this place."

"God will save you, and forgive you this sin."

"You're too pretty to work here. You deserve to be taken care of."

"God is always watching. He always loves you. He is forgiving."

"You seem like you're a smart lady. You could do so much more."

"Go into debt. You'll eventually make enough money to pay it off. You shouldn't work here, it's an evil place."

"Your body is sacred."

"You need to find God. Your life will be empty without Him. You will be stuck in this hell hole for all of eternity because of your sin against God. You are continuing a cycle of adultery. You should be at home with a man that loves you."

Always followed by:

"So, would you like to go have a private dance?"

HYPOCRITES

I'm no saint. And I know there are many things that I am hypocritical about. But really! Come on! I would understand if they came in just to "save" us girls, but wanting a lap dance too. That's just not okay.

I do not want to be nor need to be saved. My relationship to God or lack there of is no business of the men at the strip club. Leave me alone! I'm just trying to pay for college. I'm minding my own business, so should they!

They're trying to save me.

I need to be saved from them!

Behind the Stripper Pole

I work day shifts at the club because it allows me to have a social life, get my homework done, sleep, eat. You know important things. But because I work the day shift, there is a lot of down time...

No one ever really thinks strippers have down time. Usually there is a two hour period between 6:30 and 8:30 when it is really dead. Today there was a total of ZERO people at the club at 6:00. All the older people are at home with their families. The young crowd isn't ready to go out yet.

So what do we do?

Most days, up in the dressing room, we gossip about who got arrested. Who got knocked up by which bouncer. What regular wanted to do what? with his what? Complain about never having enough money. Talk about our boyfriends, husbands, or kids. Sometimes we go onto fourth stage and practice pole tricks, or have dance parties. Some girls do shots. When I have homework I am sitting up in the dressing room working on that.

Then there are the days where there's an attitude in the air and no one wants to sit still.

Freedom of speech is something we, Americans, hold dear to our hearts. In the stripping world there is an even greater freedom. Combine this with little to no judgement, and that leads to some interesting conversations.

Being a stripper at an all nude club leads to anatomical discoveries. For one, I now know what fake boobs feel like. I also know the difference between "good" fake boobs, and "bad" fake boobs. Before stripping, I never knew that some vaginas are cute and some are really ugly.

Several months ago, on a very boring day, there were six girls sitting around upstairs in the dressing room. One of them was sitting naked, cross-legged on the counter facing the mirror. She was looking at her vagina in the mirror when she asked "do I have a cute vagina?" We all looked up as she hopped off the counter saying "I was just wondering." We all gathered in a circle. Underwear started coming off as we began to look at our own vaginas and those of our friends. As one of the girls bent over to take a closer look she stood up and said "I like yours. Your lips are tight and the same color as the rest of my skin. I have an ugly vagina. Mine looks like hamburger, and I haven't even had kids yet." We all took a closer look. Strippers have a brutally, harsh honesty policy when it comes to their friends. We all agreed "yeah, yours isn't attractive, but luckily your boobs make up for it." We all had our turn with an inspection and judgement to see if it was a cute one or an ugly one.

I don't remember the conversation, but I was teasing a friend as I was getting ready to leave for the night. We had both taken off our work "clothes" and were putting them away. After I made a great joke at her expense, she put on her sad-puppy-dog face. I laughed and right as the music completely died down I yelled "Let's naked hug it out!" Everyone in the club heard. There was an applause and an immediate chant of "Yeah, naked hug!" The DJ came into the dressing room and gave a narration of the event.

Today at work, my friend and I were getting ready for the shift. She was topless and looking at her boobs in the mirror "my nipples are changing and its weird." I walked over and looked. After a moment "You're right they are changing, that one is way pinker than the other one." She looked at me "I know they used to be really pale and now, they're bright pink. And they're so hot" as she grabbed her boob. I reached out and felt for myself. "Yep, they are unusually warm."

Pretty much if you're a stripper there is no privacy and no personal space. We often feel each other up, for many different reasons.

Why the New Blog

So, I had these posts on another blog, but I decided I hated the name of that blog.

I was out with my lady-friends from school tonight, and we started talking about my job. My friend said "Yes next year I can say "This is my roommate 'The Sober Stripper'." I LOVED it. It's so true. I don't think I've mentioned in depth that I don't drink. I don't do drugs. This is an ever thing. I don't do it in the club, or in real life. So I had to change my blog name.

Anyways. I don't drink for two reasons.

1. My job, I see all the really bad things that can happen to a girl when she drinks or gets high. So it isn't something that I aspire to.

2. I have a heart condition. I pass out easily sober, and when I start drinking I pas out even more frequently. And so, drinking is bad for my health.

Anyways. I don't have a lot to say. I'm doing my homework and my computer decided to fuck me over and delete my project. So after dealing with this TWICE and yelling at my boyfriend, Jamie, I decided to take a break. He's sitting at the computer playing video games. I am upset because I need a new computer and I can't finish my homework because the universe is against me. So I decided to vent here. To my basically non-existent audience. Anyways, I should get back to the homework.

More soon.

Kelly

World's Worst Stripper

I am the world's worst stripper. People don't believe me because of the amount of money I make. But really, it's true. Here's why:


1. I don't hide my hatred of my job. 


2. I don't ask for lap dances.


3. I turn down more money than I make.


4. I don't try to sell myself.


5. If I don't like you, I will tell you.


6. If I don't want to dance for you, I will tell you NO.


7. I believe that I do not deserve to be degraded.


8. If you piss me off I will hit you.


9. I am overly nice which is why people think they can use me. (Until you piss me off.)


10. If you think I am unintelligent I will kick your ass with words in three different languages, sometimes five if I feel like it.


11. I don't want to be flattered, we both know why you're here.


12. This is a stopping point for me on the road to a real career.


13. I do not stay longer at the club than I have to.


14. I do not make more money than I have to. I only make what I need.


15. I will never be a stripper. It is an occupation. I am a college student.


16. I'm ALWAYS sober. (At the club AND real life.)


Well those are sixteen reasons why I'm the worlds worst stripper. The funny thing is... being the worst stripper is the reason I make money. People like it that I'm "shy" and I "don't" know what I'm doing. Playing up the "worst" stripper is the reason why I make money. I'm fresh. I'm new. I'm the girl next door. I was once told by a customer "You're the shy girl next door I always wanted to fuck. And now, in a fantastical way I get to live it." Well I slapped him and he never got to "live" that fantasy. I just don't want to be someone's teenage fantasy. I know they'll go home and think about me, but I don't want them to come to me so I can fulfill their fantasies. I know that's what a lot of girls work for. I don't like it. I try to avoid it. I hate being a fantasy. 

Easy Money

I haven't written in awhile for a couple reasons. I've been tired. I haven't felt like writing. I haven't gone to work in a week. School started again. (I was on spring break.)

I went to work once this week. That would be yesterday. My regular was there and I really should work more often. I was trying to think of something to write about. There's always the "what I did today" entry. Usually that's repetitive and kind of boring. Plus it was a boring day. I was sitting talking to one of my regulars when I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. Easy money.

I don't know how often I hear "You should work more. It's easy money." Or "Wow you make a lot. I wish I could make easy money." Or my favorite "You have such a great job. It would be a dream come true for money to just be given to me so easily." Easy... That is not how I would describe my job. I would describe it as the hardest, most demanding job I have ever had. And I have worked quite a few.

It's always fun when I hear a (fat) business man complaining about how hard their job is... sitting behind a desk. And then they say they wish their job could be as easy and as much fun as mine. Usually I give the "You have no idea how fun this job is." Of course I'm being sarcastic, but with my smile and eye contact, they never kow. Every once in awhile, when they catch me on my mean days, I tell the truth and it goes a little something like this. "You know, it's so much fun. You have no idea how much I love having my boobs played with by fat disgusting strangers. It turns me on so much that I've gone upstairs and thrown up and cried because I'm just having so much fun. Being on stage, having hundreds of guys whistle at me all because I'm naked. Talking to men that are less intelligent than I am. Working my ass off for a dollar. Having my knees so sore, that when I get home my boyfriend has to carry me up the stairs because I can't walk. I love being called a mindless whore. And constantly being reminded that all I am worth to you is as a sexual object you can ogle. I love being so emotionally worn out that I can't finish my homework. It's really a blast when the highlight of my day is going home and taking a shower to get your gross smell off of my body. It's truly fantastic when I try to make love to my boyfriend and I am reminded of work. To top it all off I love that I have to sit down and talk and flirt with someone I can't stand for half an hour in order to make twenty dollars. And then once I have them in private dance they don't understand what the word "no" means. I love when people try to coerce me into kissing them, touching them, letting them touch me, having sex with them, dating them. I want nothing to do with you all, but I have to be here to go to school."

Okay, I'm a little angry at people thinking my job is easy. That I make easy money. I don't. Even if there are a few days that are easier than others. I do not make easy money. My job takes a toll on my knees, my entire body. It takes an emotional and psychological toll. My job is hard. Money is not easy to make. I do make more than anyone else my age and more than a lot of people I know. People need to keep in mind that the money has to also be worth it and a lot of days it's not. The money has to be worth the toll it takes physically. When I get injured I have to have made enough money to last for as long as it takes me to recover. The money has to be worth the emotional and psychological toll that the job has. The longer you're there the bigger the toll. Not to mention you change as a person, usually not for the better.

Is the money worth that?

Behind the Scenes

Hello World!

Here goes my second post. I thought I would give you all a little bit of a back story on what happens behind the scenes at a strip club. It is a lot different then what some will imagine. My main motto for work is "My job is like gambling: some days you make money, some days you lose money." I am being quite serious. There are days where I have paid the club to be there.

There are two shifts at the club I work. There is day shift and night shift, and some girls work a double. Day shift starts at 3:00 in the afternoon and goes until 9:00 at night. Night shift starts at 9:00. Monday through Wednesday the club closes at 3:00 in the morning. Thursday the club closes at 4:00 in the morning. Friday and Saturday it closes at 5:00 in the morning. Sundays the club opens at 8:00 at night and closes at 2:00 in the morning. When I was working weekends I would always tell my friends I worked a 9-5 job, just the other 9-5.  Everyone has to pay a house fee when working. The house fee depends on what shift you work. Day shift costs $10. Night shift costs $25, $30, $35. A double costs the price of night shift. Working Sundays costs $15. If you're late you get charged extra. On day shift I don't get charged a late fee because I go to school and I am not able to get to the club the moment it opens, but I do get there as fast as I can.

On top of the house fee we have to tip out. We tip the DJ and the bouncers a portion of our earnings. The DJ, at my club, does not get an hourly wage and only earns tips. The bouncers make minimum wage and whatever we tip them. I always tip 20% of my earnings. The DJ gets about 12% and the bouncers get about 8%. I tip the DJ more because they don't get and hourly wage. If I have a really good day I tip out more. I like sharing the wealth.

As a stripper my job entails stage sets and private dances. For stage there is a set list of all the girls at work in a certain order. The order doesn't change and whenever your name is called you're up on stage. Depending on how many girls there are is how long our stage sets last. If there are less than four girls we usually do four song sets. With four to ten or eleven girls there are three song sets. When there are more than twelve girls we do two song sets. Every girl gets to pick out the songs she dances to. I'm known as the country ballerina because I always dance to country. I don't have to tell the DJs what to play for me anymore because they know me and what I will and will not dance to. There are three types of lap dances. The cheapest is a table dance. They are $5 and last about thirty seconds. These happen at the table. Private dances are the next step up. They are $25 per song. This happens in a private area. The songs are a minimum of three minutes and fifteen seconds. The next step up is VIP. These are measured by time. Fifteen minutes cost $200. Half an hour costs $300. An hour costs $500. This happens in a more private area with leather couches and a private pole. These are hard to get because they are expensive. Girls get to keep everything they make on stage, table dances, and all tips. Out of every private dance done $5 goes to the club and the girls get to keep $20. Out of VIPs the club keeps $50 and the girls get everything else.

On weekends I make my money on stage because of this I don't do very many private dances. I don't like working weekends or night shifts because there are lots of people, lots of girls, and lots of competition. I work mostly day shifts. Day shifts there isn't much money on stage, but you can make a lot from private dances.

I'm sure that was pretty boring. It was a long one. I had to write it though, so then everyone (if anyone reads this) will know what I mean when I talk about tip out, house fee, day shift, double, etc. Hopefully my posts will become more entertaining and less mundane. Maybe one of these days I'll get a question. (If I do I will be sure to answer.) Or maybe a comment. Or maybe just a page view, that would be a great place to start. Oh well. I'm happy at least be getting stuff out there into the world. It is more cathartic than I thought it would be.

Have a great day!!!

The Start of Sober Stripper

Hello World.

I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but if anyone does please stay open minded. I've been meaning to start this for... several months now. Finally I have.

I'll start out with a few things about me. This probably won't be that interesting, but I'll get to that part eventually. I'm in my early twenties. I go to a teeny-tiny private college where I major in Literature, French, and Russian. I love studying. I love seeing my friends (although that happens very rarely). I cook and bake as much as I can. I love travelling and seeing the world. I'm very tall, for a girl that is. I don't like partying. I don't drink. I've never tried drugs, and I don't plan to. I am in a very committed relationship with the man I am going to marry. We have been together for a year and a half, and we have lived together for a year of that.

I work all the time. If I'm not in class I'm at work. And if I'm not their I'm at home sleeping or studying. I work at my school's library and as a receptionist in a medical office. So far, I'm sure, my life sounds really average. Like any other college student. The biggest difference is I work at a strip club. I am a stripper, and have been for ten months now. My friends, when they first found out, thought I was a waitress or a bartender there. I'm not the type of girl to strip. Actually I hate being naked. Before I started stripping I was only ever naked in the shower.

Here is the very brief history of why and how I got a job as a stripper. It's safe to say that I have a tense relationship with my parents. I had just finished my freshman year in college and had stayed at school a few days longer to see my boyfriend graduate. I couldn't find a job in my hometown, but I could find a job in a big city close to my college. I told my family that I would get a job and live at school over the summer, and I would be able to have the job for the rest of my college career. My parents did not like this and disowned me. They took away my cell phone, my car, my health insurance. They kept all of my things and they would not give me my passport, social security card, or birth certificate. I know it seems ridiculous, but that's actually what happened. Basically all I had left was the few clothes I had to last me the extra days on campus, the little money I had left over from the month before, a place to live, and my boyfriend. I took the weekend to cry and talk over my options with my boyfriend. He has been my main support system for the last year. The one person I can count on every day, all day, for anything and everything. On Monday I walked into the nicest, most reputable strip club in my area and asked for a job. I got the job because I had a pretty face and fourteen years of intensive classical ballet training. I had never wanted to capitalize on my looks, but I was in a jam and had to. My ballet training gave me the ability to have stage presence and entertain the way no one else could. That night I went home and cried with Jamie, my boyfriend.

Here I am ten months later. I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Possibly because I want people to know that not all strippers are drug addicts or alcoholics. I want people to know that there are some strippers that are down to earth, normal-everyday-people just trying to survive. I think I offer a new point-of-view because I am educated and I can look at the goings-on and relationships in a different light than a lot of girls. I have read a lot of research about strippers and the occupation, research on the psychological aspect, the emotional aspect, the personal aspect. It's complicated. My job should not be judged upon first walking into the club. Stay, come back, get to know the girls, and keep coming back. I can offer an opinion from a stripper that has a knowledge of the research but also experience in the field. I can also shed light on the life of a stripper and a offer a behind-the-scenes-look. I know many of my friends are curious about the occupation. They want to know what it is in real life instead of what is portrayed by television and pop-culture. On top of everything it is cathartic for me to write about work. With my friends I play my job off with humor. I do this as a coping mechanism, but my job is horrendous. It takes a psychological, emotional, and physical toll. I can be honest here. There will be a lot of humor, but there will also be a lot of frankness that may be difficult to read. I want this to be honest more than anything.

As the reader, if there are any, KEEP ME HONEST.